Crescent Moon REVAMPED
by JessRosser
Summary: After the Cullens left Bella took it hard, not for merely for Edward, but for her lost family. Alice left Jasper, to hurt by his actions toward her sister. By the chance of a letter, they both began began to discover healing and the truth. Jasper/Bella,slightly OOC ReVamp of my orig story that had issues, also this includes new/more detailed scenes! Longer! Rated T, might change
1. Chapter 1

This is a fanfiction, a complete work of an over active imagination. All rights of _twilight _ and anything reconizable belong to Stephanie Meyer, the publishers, and Summit Entertainment.

My plot though, are in fact mine. Any one person thats refferenced that has any association with any real, living, dead or historical is purely an act of fiction. Under no insistances may my person work may be distributed or taken whether by peice or it's entirety unless other wise stated by myself _penname_ Jess Zax, _fanfiction_ JessRosser.

NOTE: How this plausible, is simply to anyone that has read _Midnight Sun_ would have caught the glimpses of Jasper's affection, although hidden, for Bella. Or for the fact of how he treated her in _twilight._

When Bella was first a threat to the Cullen family, being the fighter that Jasper was, he wanted to protect the family and there secret. He chose to go against Alice, Edward and the family, to end Bella's life. He went to her home, and through his thoughts from Edward "_I couldn't take away her innocence. Her light."_

Although Bella's only notes on Jasper was that, when she first seen him, he being the very first vampire veiwed in the lunch room, was a look of hunger. Her only other thoughts of him were his being stoic, and like he didn't below with the Cullens, out of place.

Also in _twilight_ Jasper qoutes on just how much Bella is worth, a hint of his feelings for her showing through. He also tells her again in _eclipse_, that she belongs with the Cullens and he would basically die for her.

Chapter One

A new Bella

The months after Edward left were nothing to truly form in my memory. I merely existed, I didn't live. If there was anything I resembled more than a zombie, that was a good day. There were no signs of life in me, and there was a horrible pain in my chest. The utter sheer loss I felt for each of the Cullens consumed me day my father told me he wanted to send me to Jacksonville to live with my mother, I realized this.

I couldn't be like this any longer. I had to my father, my mother, my friends. For myself. I deserved that much. So I applied myself more at school. I started talking to my group of friends, that I had abandoned for him.

I'd sheltered myself from a normal, high school life. For him. I started hanging out with Jacob Black on the rez. I liked him. From the very start, he made me smile. I never spent time with Jake because of him..I went out to eat with my father, I actually talked to him. I never was a good daughter because of Edward.

I could even say his name now. I hadn't at first, even amungst my own pain of the simple word had been to much for even my mind to mention. It had been a very long time since then. It seemed like it was a forever ago, that Edward was even here. It wasn't some profound way I could say it either. I didn't notice that I could until I had pondered my day, laying in bed.

I just started Jake, Angie, my mom, even Charlie. Edited version's of course. They still helped, the edited verisons, but I longed to find someoneI could tell the complete tale, too. Then the day came were I learned of Jacob's werewolf blood. Through conspiracies and assumed gangs, I found out Jacob Black was a shape shifter. A werewolf and natural enemy to vampires. But, Jacob, Jakey, was my best friend, he loved me, more than I could love him.

He wanted more from me than my broken soul could give him. Even if I wasn't this broken, this unrepairable I couldn't be with Jacob. He was my little brother, I didn't think of him in attraction, but familal love. I think I had managed to convey my feelings for him in a non hurtful way, though I assumed he wouldn't want me anymore after I told him. Jacob broke that image, and told me he was always here for me, no matter how I wanted him, I was his bestfriend as much as he was mine.

Here I sat, in boring-as-hell trig. Less than a month left of school and I'd be a high school-graduate. What was the point? What could I learn that I hadn't already? I was already graduating early. All my honor classes and advanced courses had earned me this little victory.

I glared at the ever slowly-ticking clock. I hate math.

I hate math.

I hate math.

Last period, such torture. So close… the bell would ring at any minute now, but he'd make us stay so he could assign homework, because that just how much of a douche Mr. Bond bell sounded with a shrill, annoying ring. At this point in time, for many, it was the sound of freedom, and this included myself.I packed up and waited for him to yell out a chapter, of which I'd never remember, to review or a problem number that I would forget as soon as i heard it. Not that it would effect me at all.

I trekked out the door and down the hall. I was still clumsy. That would never change. I got myself back up from my falls now, though - I didn't need help. I never really had, after all I had managed to survive a full seventeen years before Edward Anthony Mason Cullen found his way into my life.

I slid my earbuds in as I made it through the never ending rain to my truck. My beast of a truck that I loved so dearly. It had been having a bit of issues , but Jacob had fixed it easily. I maneuvered through the rain to my house at my own pace, and then pulled in just like normal. I never liked driving fast. I liked to drive, it cleared my head, having focus on the mundane task at hand.

Today was a good day. It was Friday, Jake and Billy would come over, and I'd make dinner. Dad would be happy, Billy would be wrinkly smiles and Jacob would be full of light-hearted jokes. I'd talk to Jake about his newfound ability to turn into a giant freaking wolf. No one was normal in my life. I was half expecting Angela to be a witch, Jessica to be a succubus, Lauren to turn into a giant snake like that one episoade of _Buffy_, and Mike Newton to be a vampire I had found someone to tell the entire tale too. Who would of known that Jacob Black would turn from, cute little boy that fun to be around to my closest companion.

Before I headed inside, I went to the faded white mail box and got today's mail, managing to slip only once. Proudly, I applauded myself as I quietly sang to Hinder's "Lips of an Angel." Always got that damn song stuck in my head. Once inside, I tossed down my backpack by the door and sorted through the mail. Along with the bills was one handwritten letter addressed to me. There was no name to give an indication from who it came from. I hadn't applied to college yet, and it wasnt nearly heavy enough to be from them anyway. I sank down into the dining room chair, staring at it, afraid to open this unknown envelope.

Who was it?

New way of recruiting for a visa card?

Stalker?

Secret admirer? aka slightly less creeper stalker?

_The Cullens_. A voice whispered devilishly into my ear. A sense of dread and hope crept into me. A strange combonation of feelings for one to have. I knew in my gut that it was them, just one of those feelings that you simply couldn't understand. I always trusted my gut, even though it lead me to diseasters sometimes. Although they hadn't had any contact with me, I just knew it was them, although I couldn't explain the why even to myself. I mean, other than me, who would think it was them?

_No one, Bella, your just that messed up_. The same evil voice whispered. I didn't know which Cullen it was, though. I dreaded the possibility that it could be Edward, hoping for anyone else. Odd. Again this was what brought me apart from the normal realm of girls. Wouldn't they wish it to be there beau? No. I was done with him. Done from the moment he uttered those words. That didn't mean it didn't hurt. It was the fact that it hurt so much, that he caused me that much pain, that I was done with him.

I missed my big brother terribly. The mother I truly never had, I mean I had Renee, but most of the time our roles were reversed. The mentor I'd always wanted, the best friend I had never had, before Alice of course. She was the first girl that had ever taking a true liking to me. The only one I could call sister. Wow, I'd even want to hear from Rosalie. Jasper...I wonder if he's okay. Being an Empath, he must've been going through a lot. Blaming himself for Edward doing what he did, for my accident. I didn't know him, only really talked to him at the hotel in Phoenix. He told me I was worth it. Strangely, those words echoed in my mind a lot these past months. Giving me some sense of the fighter that was always within me.

I'm not stupid, I knew he made them leave. They loved him, they'd do anything for him. They'd known him longer_._

_"Perceptive." Edwards musical voice echoed through my mind._

I was mad at them, sure, but should they ask, I would forgive them. Edward didn't want me. It was simple, they wanted what Edward wanted, did what Edward thought was right because I was his. But I wasn't his. I got up abruptly, grabbed my backpack and the letter, and ran upstairs to my room. I put the letter under my pillow. I would read it that night. I wanted to have more of a good day before I was disappointed. I would be disappointed, no matter who it's from. I knew that for sure. It was just a letter. Whoever it was, they weren't here to explain, weren't here to give me the answers I needed. That I craved, desperatly. I let out a heavy sigh. Later, Bella, later. When your father is asleep and can't hear you cry.

Dinner went well as always. Billy and Charlie were in the living room, watching a game, while Jake and I were washing the dishes. Like normal. Everything was so normal now. So tedious. I was beginning to not be able to take all the normal. Yes Jake was a wolf and so not normal, but it had become normal for me. Everything of the superatural sort was now.

How?

Because I'm good with weird.

"Bells?" Jake asked hesitantly.

"Yeah Jake?" I replied in a tired tone. I was trully tired with it all.

"Where did you go? You've been living in your head tonight." I glanced at him then. He was drying the dishes carefully, since the last time he'd broken one, I told him I'd neuter him.

"Sorry Jake. Did Charlie notice? Just been one of those days I guess." I tried to sound normal, tried to sound carefree, while really I was cursing myself. _Were you not done pretending Bella? Damn letter! You ruined it… unknown letter under my pillow._

My inner voice needed to know how to word her anger better.

Damnit, Jake was in mid-sentence "...just, I don't want you to go back to the way you were, and it kinda scares me when you ignore me like you just did."

"I'm sorry Jacob! Can't I have a bad day without everyone worrying that I'm going all emo again?" I hissed the words out. I was so angry with him for calling me out, even though I deserved it. The anger was missplaced, and I guilty as soon as the came out of my lips.

"Sure, sure. Sorry Bella, didn't mean anything by it. Ya know there's going to be that new movie coming out soon, do you wanna go with me?" he asked, like everything was fine, rapidly changing the discussion.

Wasn't it? Yep. Peachy. Normal. _Safe._

"Sure, sure Jake." He grinned at that.

I waved them goodbye and goodnight at the door, then made my way back into the living room calling out to my father.

"I'm headed for bed!" I got a "good night Bells." in return as he turned back on the TV. Good thing he couldn't hear over the noise and the floor between us. I did my nightly routine. My human moment as I had once liked to call it. I stared at myself in the mirror. Much like the first day I came here to Forks. Like after I spent the day with Edward. Such a highly different contrast to either times. I was still pale. My hair was much shorter, a shaggy bob. I had cut it all off short and boy like, not long after he had left. He always liked my hair. Running his long, pale, talented fingers through it. I hated my hair for that.

So I chopped it off with craft scissors late at night in my room. A month ago, I self-bleached and dyed my hair. It was now blue. Royal blue like he liked me in. For me, it was a winning moment because I hadn't worn blue after he left. I dressed the way I wanted Alice to tell me I should dress like a girl. I didn't. I brought back out my band shirts. My skull jewelry, converse and boots. I also started using make up more. Black eyeliner. Nothing much, just enough to go with my look. Bad ass girl that liked motorcycles.

I guess you could call me goth; I just wanted to be far away from what Edward's Bella was. Sweet innonce floral print Bella. Edward's Bella did whatever she was told. She didn't have a voice of her own. She was going to be the perfect little lady for proper perfect Edward Cullen. This Bella, murdered Edward's Bella, brutally, with a snarky laugh, and dancing around her fiery body.

I was sarcastic, funny, free spirit Bella. The one who jumped off cliffs, had a motorcycle, cussed, hung out with werewolves and is going to take a year to travel. To find my life course because I really have no idea what I want to be. I would never go back to Edward's Bella. I would never go back to him. Even if the option presented itself, I wouldn't. Time to use those balls you've grown, Bells.

I walked with my head held high to my bedroom. Although it felt like I was walking into my execution. I sat on my bed cross legged and felt for the letter under the pillow. I stared at it in my hands. It was heavier for a letter, more than one piece of paper. Had to be a lot in there. Whoever it is had something to say, I thought. I peeled back the letter seal and carefully pulled the pieces of paper out. I was right. Three pieces of paper. I reminded myself of one of those bomb squad people with the care I was taking in this. I even had theme music playing in my head. I decided I should get on with it before the numbers began to count down. I unfolded them and began to read.

Chapter Two

Fangy Fellows

I read the words with shock highly evident in my features. The Cullen I had least expected, but had the most questions about.

_Dear Isabella,_

_I'm writing to say what sorrow it brings me that I lost control on your 18th birthday. Every since I've left the Cullen's my control has improved. I was going to visit you to say this, but I never really knew you in the first place. Of course Edward might try to kill me and [there was a ink blot here I'm sure he meant Alice but..well maybe his pen broke] would surely try to hide you before I got there. So this was my only option. I'm sorry it took me so long to write you. I have been a little crazy about my slip up to someone who means so much to the family, I used to call my own. Of course it's not all about you, I know you blame yourself for everything. Such a bad habbit Bella. Due know when to take the blame and when to realize you're not to blame at all. Since...she said what she said to me that last night I haven't been well...quality company. My brother Peter actually is making me write this, for not because I don't want to, but because I think it is hopeless. If I ever see or have the chance to get to know you better I'll tell you about my brother and sister. I'll let you get on with your day. You needn't reply. I dont expect one. But please dont mention this letter to her or Edward._

_P.s. If you do wish to reply my email address and p.o box are listed on the other paper. Which ever method suits you best. _

At the end of the letter he signed it in big bold letters that were slightly messy like the rest of the hand written note. Maj. Jasper M. Whitlock.

Not a Cullen at all.

How could Alice leave him? They were so in love. Every time I saw them together it looked as if he would follow her to the ends of the earth and back. There love was quite and not as showy as Emmett and Rose, but so absolute. I had envied it slightly. With Edward's smothering love, theres was something nice to look apon. The constant there love that didn't have to be shown with big gifts or favors. Although Alice made a show of hanging onto his arm whenever she could. Yet, that look, that complete look of love in his eyes when he saw her was... Stunning.

And it was a lie. At least for Alice because it was clear Jasper was hurting right now. From what I could tell he couldn't say or write her name. Much like I couldn't Edward. His pain must of been so much worse being an Empath and of course being married to the woman for 50+ years. Ofcourse, he was actually and truly in love with her. I wasnt sure anymore, of what I felt of Edward. Clearly, my pain was nothing to what Jasper's would be, that was the only thing that I knew for sure. I thumbed threw the other papers, his contact info was the second page, but there was a third.

_Bella,_

_I forgot to call you Bella. I just dont want to write all that other shit again. Deep sorrow consumes me entirely.. I know how evil you can get if someone calls you Isabella. And.. I do wish that you reply. I have no idea why I said I didn't. I have no idea why the [ink blot again] i'm just going to stop writing now, already made a fool of myself. _

_Goodbye Bella. Hopefully you'll reply. Your able to reply.._

For some reason that sent me into a fit of giggles. He was breaking the pens. Must of been. Or he was using a quil...more giggles at that mental image. Stoic, manly, Jasper, pulling out a feather and dipping it in ink. Some how his writing was sarcastic, deep sorrow consumes him was just to over the top to be right. I decided I'd use his email address. It would be quicker to receive a reply and I desperately needed to set things straight with him. He thought they gave a damn about me. Thought they were still here. Thought Edward was still here. They clearly didn't at all. I pulled out and powered up my laptop going to gmail as quick as I could.

Dear Jasper,

I just got your letter today. Your completly miss leaded in most of your information. One-

Edward, Alice and the rest of the Cullen clan have left. They were all gone 3 days after my birthday. Alice didn't tell me anything about you leaving. In fact she didn't even say goodbye. Edward told me you all had left...among with other things that didn't affect me well at the time. I've had a extremly hard time dealing with the absence of them all in my life. But i've managed to cope. I don't want Edward ruining my life anymore. I have realized a lot sense he has left. Our relationship wasn't healthy in the slightest. Not because he is a fancy fellow that actually has no fangs at all and I'm a breather. But because he treated me like I should be the most perfect Stepford Wife. No cussing, no friends, no life besides him, smile say yes to everything and that just isn't me. So I'm am trully glad I didnt get to know you then. Because you wouldn't of known me. The real me.

Secondly! YOU DONT NEED TO SAY YOUR SORRY. Your a vampire Jasper. I bled. You reacted to your instincts. I never once blamed you. In fact I worried that you'd be doing what you're currently doing in blaming yourself. YOU need to remember when to place the blame on yourself and when it's not your fault at all. She could of seen by buying the wrapping paper that I would cut myself. She could of seen the moment I picked up the gift. He would of heard her thoughts. I could go on to how the bastards at the company of the wrapping paper made it too thick and sharp but it was an accident. You weren't the one that threw me into a table with of glass plates that sliced my arm open.

Thirdly. I actually don't mind Isabella anymore. People still call me Bella more but I don't snear and let the evil flow when someone calls me Isabella.

Signed: Isabella, Bella, Bells, Bell, B.

I clicked send, satisfied with what I had written. I don't know why I was so excited about talking to him. I didn't know him at all. Maybe it was that he was a connection to them. Proof that they were here at one point in time. I had thought, in my more worse days of depression, that maybe I was crazy and dreamed them all. It had stuck with me, the thought, trickling into my thoughts at times. That I was just a girl, locked away with an over active imagination.

I felt as though I owed him though.I know he said it was not my fault but I couldnt help but think it was at least partly. I shut the laptop and crawled under the blankets. I wouldn't be crying tonight. What do you know. I wasn't disappointed. How strange.

My nightmares had started after Edward had left. They ended slowly when Jacob filled the void in my heart. Now here they were again with a vividly violent passion.

Darkness consumed my vision. Deep greens, and dark brown. My face was on the muddy moss. I lifted my head in a daze. Blurry vision nearly making me fall back to the ground. I looked around to try and find out where I was although I already knew the answer. The forest of Forks, Washington. Where everything bad in my life begins. I spotted red eyes in the distance. In the creepy to fast way that vampires do in horror films the eyes were suddenly rapidly cutting towards me. Like the flash of a strobe light. It was cold in the forest. It was raining. His hair was matted to his face. Wavy hair to the jaw line hanging in wet curls. My eyes traveled down him to notice the white shirt he wore was covered in mud and blood... Dried icky blood. Dark crimson. I could smell it. Who knew even i dreams one could feel faint. Fear took over my body and sent me weakly crawling backwards till my back hit an oak tree. Jasper flew towards me and grabbed me by my throat pulling me to my feet. A blood curdling scream came from somewhere.

My back was ramrod straight in bed, as I realized the scream came from me. Ah the joy of a new nightmare. I was shocked Charlie wasn't in the room with me yet. Maybe I should take the sleeping pills I was prescribed months they'd block out my nightmares. I'd never had one of Jasper before. All were Edward or Alice. Couple times Emmett. Edward leaving, or trying to kill me. Alice the same. Emmett...Emmett is crying about how his baby sister had died. That..that was the one that oddly stuck with me the most. Well maybe not so odd. It was deeply disturbing to view. I missed him deeply. My brother I had always wanted, my big goofy bear like brother.

Jasper wouldn't hurt me. That I trusted. Again proving what an odd little duckling I am. He had dove for my throat once before, but in the company of six vampires being an empath, feeling their emotions. I glanced at the clock, 5:39 am. Guess I should just get up. No hope that I'd go back to sleep anyway. A thought popped into my head.

Email. I flew up from the bed, searching for my laptop in the faint light of morning. Success! I pulled it on the bed and opened it. Tapping my fingers as it seemed to take eons for it to wake up and then the internet had to kick it. Oh how I hate slow internet speed. Finally! Gmail, my friend we meet again. I scrolled through spam and facebook updates to find the I was looking for. He already replied! Small happy dance in my bed begins to take over body.

**Isabella,**

**You give me too much credit when I do not deserve it. You were always too forgiving.**

**More concerningly, they left you? I can't fathom how they could do such a thing...I don't like talking like this I can't get what I need to to tell ya straight. Would...you care if I came to Forks for a visit? There's so much I have to tell you. So much we need to discuss, I can't convey what I have to say properly over this thing. **

**J.**

My jaw was slightly agape by this news. I never imagined he'd want to come back to Forks. Of course he could. There were many things I needed to tell and ask him. In fact, I was more than slightly happy about him returning.

**Jasper,**

**Of course you can come back. It is a free country after all.**

**B.**

BING! The sound rang out that I had a chat. He was online! [Insert girly squeals that alarms myself]

What the flying monkeys Bella? Why are you so excited over him?

**Are you sure? J.**

**Positive. B**

**I'll be on my way then. J.**

**Wait one moment! B.**

**Yes Darlin? J.**

I was taken aback by the darlin'. Slightly moving from the screen, eyes a little wide.

**Darlin? Are southern? B.**

**Why yes ma'am. J.**

**Wooh. Didnt know that. Well you see there is something I should tell you about the residents of LaPush before you arrive. B.**

**The Indian Reservation? J.**

**Yes. Well you see my best friend is Jacob Black, hes from the rez and his legends saw his great-grandpa made a treaty with the Cullens...because there werewolves...And well Jake sorta.. is. Along with bout 6 others. B.**

**Your friends with a young werewolf? Bella what more of a danger magnet can you be! You must be careful. There tempers are known for have'n a rep for going off the charts and that isnt good for human girls. J.**

**Jacob wouldnt hurt me! Known of them would. I know how to calm them Jasper call me the werewolf whisperer if you will but I'm not stupid I know how to stay safe. B.**

**Safe would be fleeing from Forks. J.**

**But then I wouldnt be nearly as badass of a girl that hangs out with vamps and wolves. B.**

**You are the strangest person I've been graced enough to talk to. J.**

**Why thank you for your compliments kind sir. B.**

**So are you telling me this to warn me, or tell me not to come because you dont know how they'll react? Or as a reason for me not to come? J.**

**I'm telling to warn you, and that I must go and warn them. How long would it take you to get here? B.**

**Bout five hours running. J.**

**Not enough time sadly. I'll go to Jacobs right now. Could you me at my house around.. hmm say 3 pm? B.**

**That'll work. I have to hunt first anyway. I'll see you soon Isabella. J.**

**Bye for now Jasper. B.**

Well, today would make for an interesting one. Alot had happened in a quick amount of time. It was time to be honest with Jake, to spill my guilty guts to him. It was 6:31 now I would have to rush. I dressed quickly as possible and ran down the stairs to find Charlie already awake and heading out for fishing with Harry Clearwater.

"Hey, Good morning." I said cheerily.

"Good to see you in good spirits Bella." Harry said with a wrinkly grin. I smiled at him and kissed my daddy on the cheek before I went into the kitchen.

"We're gonna go fishing today, plan on catching dinner. I think Sue's gonna cook. You'll be over want you Bells?" Dad asked.

"I dunno, I have work today. I'll try to come over if something doesn't come up. Do you guys want breakfast?"

"Already had it hun." Harry replies and my dad simply shakes his head no.

"Ok, be safe out there boys." I say as I put in pop tarts.

"Will do hun." Dad and Harry say togeher as they leave.

I wait until the cruiser is far away before I grab my pop tarts and run to my truck. I hummed the yellow brick road song as I made my way to Jacobs. Trying to keep my mind off of his reaction to my tale.

Chapter Three

Let's go back to the start.

I drove up to Jacobs house highly nervous, all while prentending to be dorthy, while really I was the cowardly lion. I knew he knew I was there, no need to tell a supernatural being that your monster of a truck has arrived. So I walked to the barn slash garage around back. I loved this place. So many good memories here. It's where I was healed, if only partly.

This is where our motorcycles were put together, his shown in the corner, glassy black and shiney silver. The rabbit was perfected, and currently under a blue tarp. My truck was fixed countless times. This is where I was put back together again. The girl that that all the kings horses and all the kings men could never put her back together. But Jacob did.

I sat down on the makeshift chair that used to be a 5 gallon bucket and waited for him. He bounded in the twin-doors a grin on his face. I returned it hesitantly. His grin disappeared.

"Bells..." One didn't have to know Jacob, to realize he was worried instantly.

"Don't be a freak Jake, I'm not falling apart again, I'm just worried about how you're going to react to something. " This was Jake, I can tell him anything.

He sat down next to me. "Bella, you know you can tell me whatever is going on in the purdy little Smurf head of yours." That earned him a glare, but although through his teasing, he confirmed my inner thoughts. He had been calling me Smurf ever since I dyed my hair blue and it was getting a little old. He snickered at me.

"Well...I probaly should of told you yesterday but I got this..." I told him everything. I completely spilled my guts in a rushed manner and didn't make eye contact the entire time. Like a child on trial I sheepishly looked up at him, under my lashes in a puppy eyed way.

"This dude still a veggie?" He asks.

"As far as I know, yes. We didn't talk about that."

"Didn't-! How much do you know about him?" He got that fatherly tone he sometimes gets more of now.

"Honestly, not a whole lot. I never talked to him because Edward was so jealous or protective about not letting me out of his sight. Jasper always was watching, always on the fringe of things. He didn't look like he belonged there. I always thought he was there for Alice and Alice only. Like he'd follow her anywhere. Now that she just threw him away! I have to talk to him Jacob! I have to help him, because if I somehow was even partly the reason she left him...I just owe him Jacob. And you can't stop me." With that I crossed my arms and swung a leg over the other.

I must of been a sight for him. My leg was moving up and down like Peg Bundy, my hair wasn't really brushed so it must of been all curly wavy blue mess, I glanced down at my clothing and noticed my shirt was on inside out. As I came to this conclusion Jacob dissolved into a fit of booming laughter.

With a shriek I got up walked to the other side of the barn and with my back to him quickly turned my shirt the proper way and put it back on. It was my clever shirt of "F*ck you, You f*cking f*ck." I bought it as soon as I watched "The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo." Good thing it was inside out, I haven't let Charlie see it. It may of gave pour Harry a heart attack. Ah the looks I achieved in this shirt always made me all giddy on the inside. I also wore my black jeans and simple black combat style boots.

"Stop laughing you ass-clown." I said a little peeved that he still was giggling like a blonde girl. It wasn't that funny.

He straightened himself out. "Do you really trust him Bella?"

"Yes. I do." I said with a strong unwavering voice.

"Then it's your life. You do as you wish with never going to be ordered to do something that you don't want to. You're not going to be with me, I've come to that conclusion already. I trust you. I trust your opinion of people. I mean you're still alive. A little damaged but alive. Just make sure he stays in there area. I'll make Sam aware. " A breath I didn't know I was holding was released.

"Thank you Jake. Really thank you for everything." I truly was thankful for my Jakey.

"You wanna do something today? It is Saturday. Ya know, before your leeche shows up."

"I have work today from 10 to 2:30 at Newtons. " I looked at my cell phone for the time then. 8:31 am.

It was a while before work, and something was prickling against my senses. I know I should be thankful Jake took the news so damn well...but I thought he would through a complete and utter toddler tantrum.

"Jacob." I said in a accusing tone.

"Yes smurfet?"

"Why did you take this news so damn well?"

"Because I'll be there with you. Naturally." He said it like it was the most normal thing in the world to say. Like I'm the dumb blonde that should of known this news.

"No freaking way Jacob Daniel Black!" I was on my feet in an instant.

"Yes freaking way Isabella Swan!" I shot him my most murderous glare I could summon.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Bella, you can't possibly think I wouldn't. I mean with your rep with leeches, being alone with the males especially, leaving you broken in one way or another how couldn't I?" He said again in the tone like he was speaking to the mentally ill or the elderly or a three year old.

"So if I get eaten you can say "Well at least I tried." [says in the worst impression of his voice over]" I said rather meanly. Now I was on the receiving end of a glare.

"FINE. But you're only saying hello then leaving. Like ten minutes max. I swear to the holly mother of hostess twinkies that I will stop your breathing if you don't."

"You're so scary. Like really. Like I can't even like move right like now." Full blown valley girl tone. I kept my face straight for as long as I could, I wanted to be mad, but I couldn't. Jacob was easy as breathing. All rainbows and giggles. Safe.

After a while I looked at the time again, it was ten and I should be leaving for work. Still so long till I see the person I hadn't seen in 6 months. I realized then as I looked at the calendar of, rather inapproraite girls on mortcyles, that it was March 18th. It had been a year exactly from my first day at Forks High. First sight of Edward. The first sight of the one who looked like he was in pain. The start of it all.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Four

Impatiently waiting

On my way to Newtons I listened to the music banned by Edward once. Marilyn Manson. I loved him in the non creeper way. As I sang "Leave a Scar" rather loudly I pulled into the shabby little hiking outfitters store I worked weekends and Wednesdays. Mike Newton. I really have begun to strongly distrest him. His flirting has become creepy in a way, getting bolder, and more annoying. It just wont stop. I wonder if he's like this to ever girl that says no. Or maybe I'm special.

_Short bus special. _Evil inner monologue chirped brightly.

Maybe, would explain things.

I put on the horrible bright orange smock and clocked myself in. Time lulled on and on and on and on and I got a gray hair under the blue dye. How could this place still be open? No one came in it. No customers just made the work go so much slower. But it was my only source of income. Since I spent little I had quite the savings going on though. I planned to use it when I started my year after high school. I loved road trips so much. My mother and I had been on many.

There was so much I needed to see. I wanted to take pictures of it all. Have memories of being happy by myself. I had no idea what I wanted to "be when I grew up." I never had. Well I did once. I wanted to be a in my thoughts I left myself open to being tickled by Mike. I screamed in alarm at the sudden contact and dodged away quickly. I may suck ass at running from vampires, but daddy didnt raise no weakling when it came to boys. Renee's week with marital arts stuck with me as well, sense I actually kept going to the lessons every Sunday. Sadly there wasn't a Dojo here. Mike was laughing he ass off at my karate pose I was in. Just at this moment his mother walked in.

"What the heck are you two doing?" She asked amused.

I pointed to Mike. "He attempted to tickle me."

"She was daydreaming about Johnny Depp again."

"I can't help it, Captain Jack's dreads are just so pretty as the blow majestically in the wind."

Laughter from both of them now.

Yay.

I should start doing comedy.

_You would freeze the moment you stepped on stage, and you know it._

Shut it.

"Bella hon, you can go ahead and leave now. Not like it's packed Mike and I can handle it." I would of been gratefull any other date, but I did need something to keep my mind off of who was coming back into town today.

Off to wait in my house. Were I'd see Jasper again. With Jacob. Vampire. Werewolf. Human in the center. That sorta sounded wrong. Oh God the mental image. Eww. What the hell truly was wrong with me? I had never bee normal, my first word wasn't even normal. B'wook I had uttered pointing and hopping for it. How could I have ever been normal and experienced the things I have? Trusting not one, but seven vampires, only one of them falsely, possibly two with Alice. Dating a vampire. Kissing a vampire. Albeit chaste kisses, but kisses at that.

Running through the forest on a vampire's back. I would never admit it to anyone but my mind, but the highs I was attempting to give myself, were trying to get to that feeling again. Adrenaline junkie? Maybe? Maybe I just wanted to feel alive again. Really is very funny, when the most I've ever felt alive is within the company of the undead.

Chapter Five

Arrival

Arriving home with Jacob on my porch earned him an ice death glare for him to realize just how much I didn't want him there. He frowned at me. I didn't utter a word as I went into my house and to the kitchen. My stomach was grumbling. I looked in the fridge for anything remotely salvageable. Zip. Nada. Nutten hunni. I let out a huff.

I went to the phone and ordered a pizza from the only place in town, because damn it I was hungry and I knew the dog would eat the leftovers. I snickered to myself.

_Snarky. I like it._

Said dog was lounging over the entire couch watching my tv. The next two hours consisted of me totally acting like a pouty child and him being all surfer-like calm. Extra today, he was always easy going. Maybe he was using those mojo yoga stuff, Leah started using so she wouldn't ruin as much clothing as she did. Preparing for the Mr. Fang-who-dosen't-have-fangs-at-all that was about to show up, more than likly. It hadn't had alot of experiance as a wolf around vampires. It must be hard for him. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to turn into a giant horselike wolf. I sort of liked the idea of the way he decribed running. The freedom of it. But then again I had fel tthat freedom before, just not by my own legs.

As it started to get nearer to three my body couldn't stay still. Nail bite, fidget, hand through hair, pacing, sitting back down, fake reading, nail bite again. The process went on and on for the first twenty five minutes, earning rolling of the eyes from Jacob. But I took note that his calm was starting to fade. Five more minutes. I stood up and decided to wait on the porch. Jacob followed close behind like a good little puppy.

"You gotta go potty boy!?" I turned around the a here doggy look. I received a middle finger in my face. I tried to bite at said finger that was rudely shoved in my face.

"You are a truly the definition of weird Bells. Trying to bite the one you call dog, hmph.. Kitty. " He said shaking his head. I hissed.

I sat on the porch steps, chin in my hands. It was slightly cold outside. Just a nice chill in the air. I was used to the cold now. I did still long for the dry desert air and the bright burning sun. Not nearly as much as I used to though. You should have warned him. Thoughts started spirally in my head about how Jasper would react to Jacob. I had my thoughts of how Jacob would react, but what about Jasper?

He had warned me about how unsafe it was. Panic. Worry, regret, panic again, it all swirled within me. Panic was the main emotion though. Then I felt a wave of calm. Like heavenly waves of warm California coast on a 100 degree day, crashing down on me. Safe, calm mixed with a little happy.

I had a strange notion, that it wasn't his gift sending me the happiness that I felt, more of... other than his gift was what I was feeling. Why do you think that? I have to disect everything is all. I shot up to my feet, angling my body toward the tree line. Jacob became aware then. Funny how I saw the vampire before the werewolf did. Well felt him.

There he was breaking from the dark tree line almost blending in, if I hadn't sensed his presence or had been expecting it, I don't imagine I could have. His clothes weren't perfect, from what I was used to from him. Black t-shirt and dirty pale blue jeans that had tears. Mud was streaking them. Alice would of had a heart attack. I don't think I would have reconized him if I didn't know it was Jasper already. His hair once golden honey, was jet black, to the jaw line and forward in his face a bit. Hiding his eyes nearly, and effecting his jaw, it being slightly more prominent than before. I started towards him only to turn and point for Jacob to stay put.

When I looked at him, he was staring at Jasper, eyes slightly wide, taking in his appearance, his form was shaking slight, yet his foot took one step back. It made me frown, I'd have to ask him why he did that later. Jasper was approaching me slowly, timidly, as if I'd run off.I offered him a grin and met him in the middle, all the while his hands were out as if he was expecting to get shot or tased. He stared at me from my hair on down taking me entirely in, then back up to my eyes. During this process his jaw slowly fell until it was ever so slightly agape. A giggle escaped from me then.

"Different?" I asked.

"Highly," His southern accent that had seeped into online chatting was present."I like it." The wicked grin that spread slowly across his face made my own grin become larger.

"Same to you." I said before raising a questioning eyebrow." Black?"

"Blue?" He cocked an eyebrow in the same way I had, but with a hint of playful-ness. I replied with a shrug. I'd tell him later why I chose the color.

I pointed my thumb in the direction of Jacob. "That's Jacob Black. He wanted to meet you before he left me alone with you. He promised he'd leave after." My tone was a little angry.

Jasper eyes made contact with Jacob as he came over to us. His eyes watched with a cool assertiveness, inspecting the possible threat that was Jacob, although his features remained friendly.

"How long will you be here?" Jacob asked roughly making me gawk at him in his rudeness.

"For as long as I'm wanted." His tone was detached, his once friendly face disappeared, he was nothing but calculating and calm.

"We wont be guarding this land for the time your here. We were making loops in Forks and up to your guy's haunted house."

"Why is that needed? Isn't my home, do what ever you wish with it, but leave Forks alone for now." He frowned slightly.

"There's been disappearances, vampire scent, only a little blood found. A couple of months ago a leech with dreads tried to get to Bella."

"Laurent, he said he came for Victoria, I was going to tell you about that today." I butted into the conversation then, before Jasper panicked. A low rumble came from Jasper's chest, his jaw hardened, lips becoming a thin pale pink line. My eyes went a little wide, Jacobs arm snaked around my waist, pulling my body behind his a little roughly.

"I told that bastard! I told him no loose ends, I was going to go after her, Isabella, but she begged me not too. That there was no reason to going back to my ways. Edward made it clear that she had no thoughts against us! Against you. I would have never of ever left Washington with her still alive if I knew she wanted you. Hell even if she didn't and was within the state. I'm so sorry. I never should have listened to them." Jasper took a deep breath after that, like he actualy needed the air.

I was shocked for a couple of reasons. One, I never heard Jasper talk that much. He was deep, yet not slightly broken at times with a slight southern drawl. Second, he had never spoke with that much emotion.

Victoria's presence in my life was never close to me, she never got truly near me. My incident with Laurent had been the closest I had came with any vampire since the Cullens, my first sight of the wolves was then too.

"Jasper, it's not your fault. It's there's anyone to blame it definitely isn't you. Clearly she knows how to get around gifts. "

" Yeah - she's always a step ahead of us. We get on her tail and she always goes straight for the ocean. Our downfall." Jacob was in all business now.

"Jacob...If your pack would allow me to help you. I could rid her of you. Protect your people. I swear I am no harm to them. When you get a recent trial of her...could I go over the treaty line to track her with you? I wouldn't cross it unless you already had her scent, not on my own either. " He was as sincere as anyone could ever be.

"Now what makes you think that you can catch her if we can't?" Jacob said rather cockily crossing his arms. I frowned and glared at him slightly, though it left on seen since I was still angled behind him.

"Don't you see my scars Jacob? Don't you wonder how I've gotten them? I know you were alarmed. I know you _are_ alarmed. I can handle myself in a fight. I have more experience than you and all your pact put together. It's a fact not arrogance. " The steady strong tember of his voice said, do you really wanna try me? That final kind of voice that can only be used by "adults" was used for his few last words.

What scars? I looked at his arms then, I couldn't see anything from where I was at. I'd try to ask him later. His skin though, didn't look perfect like Edwards had. Not smooth and quite as pale. The slight imperfections made him seem human. Jacob un-crossed arms and almost looked pouty, but gave him a final nod.

"I'll discuss it with Sam. He's the alpha. He'll most likely agree."

"Good. Now get." Glare and a point to the forest.

"You know one of these days I'ma get tired of you treatin' me like this." Now that he was speaking with me, that voice was gone, playful was back, but still a little cautious.

"No you wont. I'm that special." With a roll of his eyes and ran for the forest. When my eyes fell back to him, I came to notice he was staring openly at me. Somewhat in wonder. We locked eyes and I couldn't help but stare at the strangeness of them. They werent like Edwards or any of the other Cullens, who's all I will admit did slightly vary. But his, were a drastic difference, while still being gold. They had specs of deep brown and light green mixed in the molten honey. That all swirled together in a way that could only be described as...

Warmth.

"W-would you like to come in?" I stuttered it out, a little taken aback that I just stared at a nearly stranger's eyes for over 45 straight seconds.

He ducked his head and nodded rather shyly.

Such a change from the confident badass I saw mere minutes ago. It looked as though, he may of turned pink, if he were human and still had blood running through his frozen veins.

_Your one to talk, wheres miss sass?_

My cheeks were currently burning and no doubt a shade of tomato. We walked in the house still awkwardly glancing at each other and stumbling up the porch steps. He actually stumbled! My hand went over my mouth to hide my laughter, earing a death glare before he ducked his head again, looking away. We sat across from each other in my small kitchen.

Staring.,

More staring.

What do I say now?

How do I start?

So what have you done since you nearly ate me? No, I don't think so.

Awkward.

Chapter Six

A Reason

Our staring and my fidgeting kept on going. I didnt think he would say anything first. I just assumed it would have to be me to start things off. Like always I was wrong.

"Um...soo..what happened? Why did they leave you?" Jasper said in a dumbfounded tone, leaning forward looking intently at me.

Why? Really Jasper? Can't you see? I'm nothing.. You think I'm worth to much.. But what I decided to say instead of this. "Well Jasper.. He said what happened just made him realize how bad for him I was. That he didn't want me anymore and I was nothing more than a mere distraction."

Small amount of pain hit my chest. Nothing like before, but the sting was still there nice and strong. I swallowed down the bile that was boiling inside of me. I had to get this out to him, he needs to trust me.

"Being the silly human I am, I reacted horribly. I basically went into a catatonic state. Functioning only on autopilot. " I stared out the window then. "I lost my love. My life. My foolish thought that he was my one and only. It wasnt just his loss that affected me so, , I wasn't that love struck and dumb. It was the loss of an entire family. A family I had every intent on becoming a true member of. A family I had always secretly longed for. I couldn't even say their names until a month ago. " I glanced back at him then.

There was a furrow between his brows, a frown on his face. He was staring down at the table shaking his head no.

"That isn't true."

"What isn't true?"

"He loved you. I felt it. I feel I need to tell you. He did love you, deeply and true as any first love. It was bounding on obsession. I thought it was only because you were human that he protected you so. I was happy for him because he had been so lonely and depressed in the past years, although he hardly let it show, besides that fact that in the last five he stopped playing the piano. But, there's always a but, I was beginning to tell, to notice, that it was more of...a possession kind of love. I didn't say anything, I didn't think it was my place too." He made eye contact with me once he was done. "Have you ever had a pet Bella?"

"Yes, a cat, but-"

"When you had that pay, did you do every thing for it? Love it? Feed it, take it to the vet, do what was best for it because it didn't know anybetter. It couldn't take care of it's self so you wanted to do everything for it. To make sure it was happy and safe."

"Yes, I couldn't imagine my life with out Midnight. I loved her, I couldn't have a dog, mom was allergic, I'd get really worried each time she'd run off for longer. I thought I could't live with out her if she didn't come back, one day she didn't. Hit me pretty hard, I was young."

"Yes, young. You wanted what was best for her, you couldn't live without her, yet. Here you are. Alive."

"So your saying I was his pet?"

"No, I'm saying you were his first love, he did love you, never doubt that. But he left you, because he thought it was what was best for you."

I took in a deep breath. He did love me.I trusted Jasper that he was telling the truth in this, much more than I ever believed it when it was uttered from Edward's lips. He loved me, sure. Just not in the right way.

Maybe thats why I never believed him fully.

"I didn't love him like I should have either. Fascination was my main reason. I've realized this for awhile, perhaps always and just not caring."

"He wasnt meant for you Isabella. You deserve much better. -"

I shook my head at this stubbornly but instead of hearing the words he was about to speak interrupted. I didn't want to here a speech of how much I deserved, of what I was worth.

"Now, what happened on your side of things?"

The sigh and weary look he gave me told me he really didn't want to say this, to have this conversation anymore.. The pain in his eyes may have been enough to make me cry, but just like that, as soon as it was there, it was gone. The mask was in place. No emotion of any kind. Void.

"I ran off as soon as the they got me outside, away from you. She followed me but kept her distance. I was so angry with myself, so ashamed I never would wanna hurt you. I didn't even feel like hurting you then, I have no idea what took over me still to this day. I hunted, tried to calm myself. They caught up to me, then. Edward and her, they found me sitting on the forest floor. She began to explain how I was not needed in her life anymore, that should couldnt take anymore of my slip ups. She was crying, and angry. Edward told me how could I attack his mate, he was violently angry. I barely listened to him though, my thoughts were on her words. She told me we always knew it wasn't going to be forever. I didn't though. I thought she was my hope, my light. She told me she'd find her true mate soon, one that didn't slip and attempt to kill her sister. Her once soft spoken words got cruel as her anger took over. I thought I deserved it. I still do. I'm the definition of monster, Bella. I didnt want to be. I wanted to change. My control's gotten a hella lot better. Less pressure maybe. Not a constant wave of judging from each Cullen everytime you can't control yourself. Being honest..nothing has gotten better besides that. She..." Jasper trailed off at that.

He looked away from me, rubbing his face in his hands then through his hair. Heartbreak, pain, guilt, worthlessness. It hit me hard. Good thing I had practice at acting like I wasn't in misery. I needed to use all that skill now, he needn't know I could feel that. Again that little voice told me he was sending it forward at me, but not on purpose. I could take all the emotions being thrown at me, I had them before, when something reminded me of them it shot up higher. When I talked about them. But I felt I needed to repeat his favor he had given me.

"Jasper. You are worth it." I spoke gently, silently, my hand reached out and touched his the was fisted on the table.

His head spun to mine, shock written all over his features in big bold lettering.

"Did I just project?"

"Maybe, I-I dont think so but I felt it. Just believe me Jasper, you are. I've felt what your feeling, I know it may seem less to you, being a human and having it not be a love like yours to her, but I know what your going through."

"How? How can you even stand? I felt your pain earlier, being human dosen't matter, you've always felt stronger than any did you get better? How is everything going to 'be okay' How did you do it?" His voice was desperate and pleading.

"I heard your voice." He looked puzzled for a second before he said one word.

"Phoenix."

I just nodded. "I'm still not perfect, but I can see the hope Jasper, you don't need someone to provoke hope. You can feel your own."

I had another reason now.

My reason would be to fix Jasper.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Seven

Realizations

A shrill ring made Jasper and I jump. I flung myself towards the phone rather manically. "Hello?" I tried to be as completely normal as possible, must of been a little funy because Jasper clasped a hand over his mouth.

"Bells, your home, good. We're back from fishin' are you coming over?" Charlie asked.

"I'm sorry Dad, um Jessica is having issues with Mike. She asked me to go over to her house for a bit." I lied hopefully well enough. It wasn't a full lie, a friend was in fact having love issues.

"You're a good friend Bells, I'll see you home tonight."

"Goodbye Dad."

"Later Hun." Click. Relief.

Now I had time to figure out where Jasper would be staying. I turned back to him. "Your still horrible at lying. At least some things don't change." He smiled slightly.

"Hey! Just because you can hear my heart like a creeper, and can tell I'm lying, dont mean I'ma that bad at it. I thought change was a good thing?"

"What is with the blue hair exactly? Not that I don't like it. It's...you. Some how. I didn't like the brown too much."

"Finally! Someone else realizes how horrible and dull my brown hair was."

"Your avoiding the question." He taunted me.

"Your...sparkly."

"Low blow. I mean it's the most... just... gah I hate being in the sun because of it. I'm a vampire I'm supposed to be feared, instead I look like tinkerbell. " He looked mortified.

Jasper shown his emotions on his face, just in this little amount of time, I noticed this. He was good at hiding the bad ones, but I still saw them, they swam in his eyes.

I giggled. "Never said I fought fair."

"Please, darlin' ?"

"Not fair with the southerness!"

"I never fight fair."

"Fine. Well, I hadn't worn blue since he left so I said to self, "Well why the duck not go all out and dye your hair blue Bella?" So I did. Should of seen my Dads face when I went threw the process of lightening my hair. Priceless. " I grinned at him.

A small chuckle escaped him.

"My question now, why the black?"

"My natural color darlin'." Jaw drop.

"Whattttt?"

"She thought it'd work better if I was blonde like Esme and Rosalie. So I could be a Hale. My normal color is dark brown. Also she made me shave my face and cut my hair. I was rather, straggly when I was changed, it was war time, I didn't own a razor. That was to fancy.

Vampires hair grows? Hmm...Interview with the Vampire you told me wrong!

"Your hair grows once you cut it, but never past your turning length. "

Guess he felt my shock and confusion, and needn't need me to vocalize my question.

"Now my turn. Well it's not a question though. I adore your shirt."

Ah Girl with the Dragon tattoo.

I giggled again. "Ebay is amazing for things."

He smiled, the best he could, it didnt reach his eyes.

"Are..are you really staying for as long as...well your welcome?" I asked slightly frightened of the answer. He could of said it just to get on Jacobs nerves.

"Isabella, I will stay here for as long as you want me too."

Relief.

"Where will you being staying exactly? I mean I dont get the hint you'd want to go back to the mansion."

"No. I dont want to go back there...I dont need a place to stay. I'll stay in the woods."

"You could keep your things in my room, I mean you dont want them to get wet. And well are you makin' a public appearance or am I special ?"

"You're definitely special, I don't know yet. My coming here was sort of split decision thing. As for my things...I dont have any. My personal belongings are in storage. I dont have anymore clothing..."

He probably didnt want any of that preppy things Alice dressed him in. Maybe I could take him shopping. The good kind of shopping. The thrift store, and the walmart shopping that you could find shirts that insulted people. "We could go shopping. It's quite painless with me, I make scenes in stores, dont judge purchases unless it's really, and I mean really strange. "

"I think...I would like that. These jeans do have a bit of mud and blood..I think I alarmed your werewolf friend quite a bit. He's a loud mouth little pup. Much to cocky for someone with so little experience. " His tone was...a little angry.. and something else I couldn't decipher.

"Jakes like that, you just...get used to it really. He is a good guy, really good guy, he's helped me through alot." I said it in the tone that says really I find him quite annoying but I love him anyway. "He's like a brother to me." I added quickly after. I wasn't Jacob's girlfriend, I felt like I had to clarify that to everyone. It was automatic to me.

"He's very protective of you. I feel I should let you know of something. He's in the woods. I only realised it a short time ago, but I could feel his worry and jealousy when you said my things could stay in your room. You sure he's feels like your brother?"

Anger flooded through my system, ignoring Jasper's question, I opened the kitchen window that face the woods.

"JACOB BLACK GO HOME! GET! BE FREE! I must let you go to the wild now! If you love something enough, you must let it fly, so fly little bird...um wolf, away!" I was waving my arm in a shooing way and jumping up and down to get my point further across. My hair bouncing and falling in my face. Laughter from behind me. I turned smiling at him mischievously.

He was laughing hard, hand on his heart, falling over himself laughter. It continued. At first I was giggling too, but then I got worried, going silent. His laughter was manic and hysterical. Then he broke. His laughter turned into sobs. Dry, broken horrible sobs that would haunt me forever. I didnt feel my feet move but suddenly I was in front of him. My arms wrapping around his cold stone-like, shaking body, slight deju vu hit me at feeling the cold marble again.

"Shhh.. Jasper breath, It's ok. I'm here, shhh, I know how hard it is sweetheart. "

I pushed all the calm I could at him, focusing are calming happy memories then pushing it at him, focusing only only him and me good memories. Child hood memories, mindless happy moments, the protective nature of Charlie whenever I was hurt, all of anything that was good in my life, I thought of and pushed it into Jasper. His hands that where once holding his face now wrapped around my mid section, his face now pushing into my side and lower stomach.

"I'm here Jasper, I'll help you. It'll be ok, I promise." His crying ended slowly, until I was just holding him rocking slowly, somehow we had ended up on the floor. I stroked his hair, humming softly.

Three things I was absolutely positive about. One, Jasper was broken, more so than I ever was. Secondly, he needed me. And lastly I would do anything to make an end to his pain.

Chapter Eight

Rest

What did they do to him? It had to be more than that edited version he gave me.

"Jasper?" My voice was barely over a whisper, but I knew he'd here it all the same.

He flew across the room, leaving me alone on the floor against the stove's frame. He flung his body so hard it hit the wall, dust felt from were it met the ceiling, a clatter to the floor annouced that daisy painting that was once there fell. Shock, shame, regret, embarrassment rolled off of him in waves. I took notice that his breathing had stopped. I tried to work my creepy good feels at him again. I pushed my best thoughts of safety and comfort into the forefront of my mind, pushing it at him.

Remembering being little right after I broke my arm on the dock. Charlie there holding me and telling me it was ok. It was my most vivid memory of my father when I was young.

"Jasper you have to trust me. Dont feel like that. Please. You have no reason to be embarrassed. "

"How? How do you keep doing that? Am I so broken I can't even control my gift?" The look on his face made me cringe. Self hatred. I didn't even have to feel the emotions from him to know that.

"No. I...I dont know why I can."

"How are your emotions so strong? I would think you were a vampire if I didnt smell you."

"I was trying to calm you. Thinking of good memories." He was silent then for some time. I just stared at him and stayed calm, eyes unfocused, more tuned to the memories in my head.

"...Thank you." I shrugged, gently pulled from my memories.

"So tomorrow we'll go shopping. Do you want to watch tv? I have books if that's you thing, I dont have video games.. Board games! I think i still have a few of those." I spoke fast but I tried to act normal.

"You dont have to try to keep me busy."

"But I just want to spend time with you, and your in need of a me."

"You got that right darlin'." He rubbed his face then and moved him self off of the wall in a weary human way. He was tired. Didnt think that was possible, but his emotional face showed it in every single feature.

"Whats got you confused now."

"You look tired. Thought vampires didnt sleep."

"Our minds get tired, our bodies don't." I walked to the living room pondering this. I threw myself on the couch and pulled the blanket around me. Jaspers eyes darted between the chair and the couch.

"You can sit here ya know. I'm not that big. " He shook his head and opted for the floor, leaning against the couch. I flicked the tv around until I horror film about vampires that I liked.

"The vampires aren't all badass and sparkly but it's a pretty decent show." A small chuckle from him. Since he was on the couch, I decided he wasn't joining it, so I sprawled out on it.

"Your tired." He knew how I felt I needn't answer.

"I thought humans slept during the night hours."

"I had a nightmare last night. Most nights I don't sleep very well either. Wake up a lot." I sighed.

"I'll help you sleep tonight. If you want me to lurk about. Don't want to be like him, always found that very strange. A bit stalkerish. Creeper perhaps, as the kiddos say."

I giggled at that.

"Yes it was strange. You can stay in my room instead of outside. I have books that you could read instead of watching me...you dont have to if you dont want to..."

"I offered Bella, I want too." I glanced at the clock.

"Damn! It's 8 already?"

"I'm afraid...you well had to calm me for quite some time.."

"Oh. I need to eat something I guess."

"I can hear Charlies cruiser down the block. I'll be in your room..You dont happen to have paper and pencils?" He asked in a shy manner, fidgetting with his hands he was now standing in front of me.

It seemed Jasper had the same complex I did, I didn't like to ask for things and I didn't like to put anyone out.

I liked taking care of myself, I'm sure he did too.

"For drawing? I have sketchbooks and pencils. I'll show you when I go up. Pencils are on my desk, along with loose paper if you can't wait. " Gone. I was talking at air by the time I was half way through, but I knew he would hear.

The front door opened then.

"Hey Bells! I brought home some fish."

"Yay! I was just bout to get me something to eat."

I ate as fast as possible and made the chit-chat necessary to free myself from the living room.

"I'ma head up to bed Dad. Oh..I'm going to go shopping tomorrow."

His face that was watching the end of the horror film turned to mine that was on the say he was shocked at this news was a little under stating.

"What? I need new clothes."

"Be safe hun, dont go to Seattle, it isnt safe up there. So many disappearances. Big cities they just are-"

"Sure, sure. Night Dad." I bolted upstairs before I could hear how big cities ruined the world speech again. I opened my room door to find Jasper in the rocking chair with a book in his hand. I went to my dresser and got my night cloths, glancing at the book Wuthering Heights in his hand.

"I dont really read that one anymore."

"You've read it a million times though." It was in horrible condition, he could easily come to that conclusion.

"Yes but I've grown out of thinking that it was actually a good love story, it's a tragedy. The love was the only thing that kept you interested, and it was nothing more than obsession." I walked to the bathroom then. I showered quickly and got on my old wife beater, and sweats. I was drying my hair with a towel when I came back into my room.

"You draw hmm?" He asked not even looking up from the book that he was still reading despite my review.

To be honest the novel had sickened me when one day, in need of a comforting familiar escape, it struck me that it could easily be about Edward and I in a loose way. Constantly doomed for a bitter end.

"Yes, I have a notebook I haven't started yet you can have." I looked in my desk until I found it, I tossed it at him not looking, yet hearing the soud of paper and skin meeting in the air. I grabbed the pencils and handed them to him.

"Thank you. I'll get you another one tomorrow."

I crawled under the covers and yawned. I truly was tired. "No worries hun."

"'Hun?' Don't tell me, my southern...ness has worn off on you? The old lady hun syndrome so soon Bella?"

"Bite...a fish Jasper." Soft chuckles sounded before I felt the calm I had whe he first arrived.

I smiled.

"Goodnight Isabella."

"Goodnight Jasper...dont be a creeper and steal my underwear or something...they aren't your size...I hope. Would be embarrassing for the both of us." I said drowsily. He chuckled deeply.I looked out the window from my bed and noticed the perfect crescent moon against a clear black sky speckled with stairs. It was the last thing I saw before all the feel good emotions hit me hard and I was out.

Chapter Nine

Shopping

I stretched happily in my bed. I hadn't rested this well in years. I cuddled my pillow and moaned into it, whispering my love to it. Chuckles came from an unknown source in my room. "AH!" I fell off the bed and promptly on the floor.

Right on my ass. The laughter got worse. I peeked over the side of the bed to see a male in absolute hysterics.I giggled at the joy on his face. His laughter, when it isn't forced or false, makes his eyes light up, wrinkles around them and full kid like grin on his face. Jasper should never cry.

" I forgot you were here." I whispered.

"My fault..." He was then interrupted in his speech by a over flow of deep hearty chuckles. "I was alarmed that you were feelin love and little lust for your own pillow."

The heat flew to my cheeks. Then he looked embarrassed for saying it, while I was embarrassed for feeling it. Subject change.

"Ok! Shopping today..." I walked over to the small walk-in closet in my room.

I pulled out simple black jeans, a black tank top, and a red flannel button up. I looked at Jasper then. There was blood on his jeans, he had said it before, and now in the light of the morning and my rooms above light, that was blood. Indeed. Maybe I should try to find something else for him to wear before we go.

"Is the blood that noticeable?" He said with a frown. I hadn't noticed I was staring so intently on his pants, embarrassed, yet again, I looked away.

I nodded to him. "Now that I actually take notice, yes. Unless you want people to assume your a mass murderer...I'll go see if something in Charlie's closet will fit you." I got dressed in the bathroom then I went to Charlie's room. He was already gone for the day since it was 9 o'clock already.

I opened his closet and began to search. The discovery I found was mildly alarming. This man got rid of nothing, everything he had ever worn was in the closet. Which I suppose, was for me now. I found a pair of jeans that were older than myself and much smaller than Charlie was now. They were pale blue and looked like they were from the 80s, slight rips in the knees, but other than that they looked the same shade of his jeans now. I hoped they'd fit Jasper. I found a Boston T-shirt as well and thought it might do good to redo the entire outfit.

"Here!" I said triumphantly. "I hope they fit you. If not I can look for something else. "

He appraised them. "They should do. Although I might steal this shirt forever, are you sure you want me to have it?"

"He doesn't wear it, I never heard him play them at all. Shame really. "

He nodded and started to take off his shirt, mumbling "I always loved the eighties."

The shirt was just over his belly button revealing a vast expanse of pale toned skin. From what I could see he was well-built, not all muscle and huge like Emmett, but wiry and solid. Nothing like Edward. Oh god. I'm staring! A mouse like sound escaped me as I ran from the room. He really almost undressed in front of me.

_And you ogled him!_

Dont judge me!

I ran downstairs straight to the kitchen. Cleaning random objects, before taking a deep breath and pouring myself cereal. When he came down them I was pouring milk into my bowl of Count Chocula. His face was full of amusement, yet oblivious to the fact I stared at him for 20 seconds while he was shirtless.

"Yes even my cereal is vampiric. Got an issue with it?" I gave him my best bring it look I could possibly summon. He shook his head trying not to laugh.

"So..."I said between bites."You ready to reinvent yourself today?"

"Um...I'm not really that...into..shopping...but yeah sure." I giggled.

"Jasper, we'll get you basics then do whaever you want the rest of the day. I'm not like her. We'll prolly only need one or two stores. Then, we'll do something you are into." He let out a huge sigh.

"Dont know why I was worried. You always hated Bella Barbie."

When we drove to Port Angeles, there was really no reason to go to Seattle, so Charlie's fretting was miss placed. I had on an rock station while we drove, I was happy to take notice that Jasper sang to most of the songs like I did. He didn't complain about my driving either.H e just looked relaxed and slightly happy, arm on the window frame, log legs spread out in the small cab. Jasper stood much taller than Edward, the same hieght as Jacob. A leggy six foot five. The smile although happy, didnt reach his eyes.

The only way I could make those eyes light up was making a fool out of myself. But I'd do it again and again just to see it. I cursed Edward and Alice in my head the entire drive. How could they not let me know this man? How could they let this man go?Why would Alice ever stop loving him? Don't ask me, i'm snarky not evil. There must of been some greater reason that the fact that I was her sister, she left just like the rest did, if she cared like she told him, she would of stayed. The new mate she talked of must of been something, but to me, I couldn't see leaving him broken like that, for anyone. Like grow a pair of boobies and let him down gently. I tried to hide my inner turmoil from Jasper, and from his silence I was successful. We arrived and I parked in the downtown area.

"Where to from here?"

He pointed to the thrift shop a block from us. "I don't want anything fancy. If you don't mind."

"Good choice actually." His shock wasn't lost to me, but I ignored it nevertheless. The thrift shop had a lot of clothes, rows lines the walls, racks apon racks dotted the majority of the store. He looked at me as if to ask 'What do I do? Where do I go?'. Completely lost. I wasn't going to boss him around.

"Go on and look for stuff. I'ma look an see if I can find any band shirts that would fit me."

And I left him standing there. He has to understand he can get his own goshdamned clothing and not need some chicks approval. If you love them, set them free. Sometime later he found me standing in the woman shoes cradling a pair of converse that had skulls and roses! Converse with skulls and roses! For only 14.99!

"Mine." I whispered possively.

He had a chart with jeans, T-shirts and flannels. A lot of flannel. I grinned at him.

"I'm done. If I rip them or something we'll come back. Look what I found!" He held up a Guns'n'Roses t-shirt. He was excited, and happy. I grinned bigger and grabbed for it, on my tippy toes hopping, trying to grab it from his grasp. He held it over my head and said "NO! It's mine."

I giggled and clapped. "Yay! You found you converse." I wiggled my shoes in front of his face.

"My precious!" I said like that thing from lord of the rings, making his face and eyes light up. "You didnt get shoes. Not that I dont like your boots but you might want a backup pair. I found these." I held up the black cowboy boots that were in my other hand. His jaw dropped and he grabbed them. I smiled.

"I had a pair like this once..before I met her..She didnt like them, never said anything but didn't like them. I stopped wearing them, she knew more about clothes the I did."

"Well now you have them back. Come on let's go."

We checked out and the shock on Jasper's face that his total for the entire new wardrobe was under sixty dollars was priceless. Mine was a little less than thirty.

We brought our bags back to he truck.

"See Jasper, painless. Now you're not bloody, you have back up clothes,cowboy boots. All the things a growing vampire boy needs." I smiled. He chuckled."What would you like to do now? It's still early." I checked my phone then.

It was noon.

I cursed. "I forgot to call in to work today." I'll called in the and told Mrs. Newton I had the stomach flu. She said that it was no problem and to blah blah.

"Slightly better at lying, but stop saying um. " I rolled my eyes.

"Would you like lunch now? I know you breathers need that."

"And I know you sparklies eat me for lunch, I don't point it out like that all the time."He grinned at me as we walked.

Today was a good day. We spent the day in Port Angeles. We shopped for drawing tablets, pencils and books. We people watched, made comments to each other about said people. Giggled, smiled and had no stress. It was something we both needed. It felt like this would be the last for a while. A sense of doom loomed over me. We had to discuss things way more serious. I had to help heal him. We had to deal with Jacob and the pack, which I'm sure wouldn't be welcoming. We had to deal with Victoria.

Why was I saying we so much?

Chapter Ten

Scary Stories

Jasper stashed his things in my closet. He was now drawing in the corner on the floor with my headphones in his ears. I was on my bed finishing up my homework. I smiled at him, he wasn't paying me any attention though. He loved to draw. He didn't share his drawings either. I have been just as private about what I drew. They really weren't any good, and more of just a collection of thoughts poured onto the paper.

I couldn't help but reflect on the past in this moment. He was so different. He didnt judge me or criticize. He didn't help me with my homework. I wasn't a child I didn't need it. It always offended and distracted me when Edward helped. He didnt crowd me. He didn't poke me with questions every two minutes. It was easy. I knew I would become very close to Jasper in this moment. I barely knew him now but it felt like I had known him all my life. Truthfully, I knew more about Jasper than most did.

I got the feeling he didn't say the things he didn't act the way did with me around other people. Jasper, in public, and in the pressence of Jacob was not that Jasper I had spent the day with or was now staring thoughtfully at. Sense I was reflecting the past I looked back on all the time I had seen Jasper. He was cast into the corner. Watching, reading or looking out the window. At times he looked as if he wanted to be anywhere but there. I thought then that it was about me. That my smell of my blood rushing threw my veins was hurting him. The temptation too much for him. But here he was, in my room, breathing completely fine.

He looked stiff and smiled forcefully. The only time he looked at peace was when Alice was at his side. The way he looked at her...So much love. So much care. He adored that little pixie. I sighed. I then realized I that it was a little inapproitate to openly gawk at someone. My cheeks went red and I quickly looked down to my homework.

Tap!

My head spun to the window. I ran to it and looked down. A shirtless Jacob with his arms crossed and a stern look on his face greeted me. Why did I surround myself with boys that acted like they were my father? I turned around to face Jasper and jumped as he was already directly behind me. My face mere inches from his.

"Sorry darlin', I'll go down." He opened the window as he was talking.

"Bring me down with you." He looked back at me and nodded. His arms snaked around my waist then everything was a blur and we were suddenly on the ground. My feet weren't yet though. He slowly lowered me to my feet and made sure I was stable.

"So does Charlie know he's got a dude living in his daughter's room?"

"Shut it Jacob, you know that would just cause issues, it's better no one knows he's around. What did Sam say?"

"He said it would be fine for your bloodsucker to come over the treaty line," He pointedly looked at Jasper then. "Only when she's here."

"How much experience do you have with vampires Jacob?" Jasper said.

"We took down the leech that tried to get Bella pretty easily. Why?"

"Just wondering is all. I'll be making patrols of Forks, mostly around Bella's house."

"So have you decided on how long you're visiting?"

"No, I haven't, but I know for one thing I'm here as long as that she is. No matter if Bella wants me or not. After that all taken care of, it's all up to Bella." His voice was just ever so slight hostel, his body stiff arms behind his back, posture perfect. "As I've already explained."He said the last sentence slowly as if he was talking to a small child.

I couldn't help but giggle slightly. Jacob glared and his frame shook slightly. Bad move on my part.

"Jacob calm down. If you werent being such an ass, he'd more than likely be less of one, too." Jasper smirked at that.

With a sigh Jacob said"Bella...Sam also told me to tell you something. As long as he's here..as long as your still conversing with vampires...You can't come back on to the reservation."

His words cut like a knife. I never liked that bastard. No, he wouldnt hurt me. No one would hurt me. Fury swam through my bloodstream like posion.

How could Jacob say this to me? How could he stand for it?

"What? Am I hearing you right? Your telling me I cant come back to La Push because of the friends I keep? That Sam," I said his name like it was the dirtiest word imaginable, even to my self I sounded like I was hurt, and it only made me angrier.."told you, my best friend, my brother, that I can't come back to the place that's my second home? What about Emily? His soon to be wife, that wanted me to be a bridesmaid. Seth? Leah? Sue? Claire, Embry, Quil? How will I see them?"

He was about to talk but I interrupted him. "How could you allow that Jacob? Your the true alpha and you know it! Your great father-"

"BELLA! Let me talk." I glared at him, a shiver running over me, my body shaking, my neck and chest get red. "You need to decide. I thought you had but as soon as one of them comes strutting back into your life you completely switch. I had hope that you'd get mad once you got that letter, that once you'd seen him it'd be finally over. That you'd move on. But no, you invited the monster to live with you. " He took a step closer, his body was shaking more. "You have to decide between us and them. Between me and him." He jabbed a finger in the direction of Jasper then.

"Calm down dog. Your hurting her." Jasper growled out. I glanced at Jasper who was completely still, staring at Jacob, no doubt throwing a cocktail of calm at him, that I had no intention of letting run over me.

"No." I spoke it final, and strong. "If you want to make me decide, then I guess you've decided for me." I took a step back shaking my head at him.

"Bella, Bells, dont be so dramatic!" His voice turned pleading then. I didnt say a single word.

"I think she wants you to go now."

"Dont you speak for her leech!"

"Do not call him that. He was a name."

"Bella they left you! And that one! He was the reason! How are you being so blind? If you can disclose that there natural killers, my natural enemy, how can you ignore how they abandoned you?"

"Don't you dare blame him for anything. This is my life Jacob. My issues, my problems. I ca take care of myself. You need to go now. You've lied to me! You said you understood, you'd let me live my life. What a joke! I knew it was too good to be true. "

"Leave now." Jasper spoke deathly silent, yet extremely loud in the silence that had fallen after my words.

His eyes were jet black his body was in a partial crouch, somehow he had angled me behind him without me even realising. My anger, my fury was effecting Jasper. He had told me how strong my emotions could be too him, I needed to calm down for him. He couldn't act harshly toward Jacob.

"Jasper...breath. Calm down." I calmed myself then, I centered myself completely ignoring the dog a few feet away. I used my creepy skill of pushing my thoughts of good things at him again. It wasn't easy, centering yourself when you were so, so mad. So betrayed. But I could and I did, I couldn't let Jasper become the victim of someone esles' emotions.

Slowly, he stood from his crouch, his breathing started up again.

"I dont want to see you outside her house again. Consider the Cullens back. This is my territory now. Don't come unless your invited. "

I felt the fear he was pushing at Jacob then. Jacob slowly backed away from us, his frame was shaking and his hand were up in somewhat surrender. As if trying to get away from a bear while hiking.

"Oh, and forget it about me going over the treaty line. Try your hardest to get her on your own. Your people have no meaning to me. I only protect the girl, I warn you though, visitors will be assisting me. " His tone was dark, lethal and calm. His eyes the deepest black I had ever seen.

Someone helping? Who? Fear crepted into me. Please not the Cullens. Please.

"Bella calm down, I will explain." He glanced at me, his eyes lightening, one side of his mouth crinkled up into a lop-sided grin.

Jacob was gone effectively turning running and phasing, the tear of clothing and heavy footprints hitting the ground. Suddenly Jasper grabbed me and flew back up the house and into my bedroom.

"How long till you graduate Bella?" He asked.

"Two and half weeks now." I replied.

"Bella, we need to leave once you graduate. You can't stay here. Tell your father you want to travel or something."

"He already knows that, it's my plan. I dont know what I wanted to do after..."I trailed off then. Jasper was no longer in the room. The door creaked then I heard the sound of it being shut, I whirled around. Jasper made his reappearance.

He had the day's paper in his hands. "Look." He threw the folds of heavy printing at me.

The headline read Serial Killer in Seattle?

The missing persons, apparently now they thought the missing people was the acts of a serial killer. "Vampires Bella. Alot of them. They've found bodies too. What's left of them. There messy, not even properly disposing of the bodies. Only points to one option. Newborns. "

"Newborns?"

"Right after we're reborn into this life, we're the most uncontrollable, the most thirsty and the strongest we will ever be in our immortal life. We call them newborns. Looks like Vicky is making an army.."

"An army of newborns? How do you know?"

"Bella..I think it's time I've told you my past. "

I swallowed. I knew it was different. He mentioned his scars so I knew it was violent.

He took a deep breath. "I was born Jasper Monroe Whitlock in 1842, in a little town outside of Houston, Texas. I had three sisters and a younger brother. I dont remember their names anymore. My father owned a plantation, he earned it not inherited. We had slaves but they were paid well and we didnt have many. I still thought it was the right thing to do in joining the war. I was young when I joined. My mama didnt want me too. She begged me not too, I remember the way her voice sounded. So sad and pleading. My father was proud of me though. I wanted to make him proud. I was 17 when the war started but I was tall. They didnt say anything when I enlisted, I could always talk my way into anything. I quickly went up the ranks, I saw action but always survived. Albeit it wasnt much action. I made Major at 21. I was the youngest Major in the Confederate Army." He was smiling softly up until now."One night patrolling in 1864 I found 3 women..beautiful women, being a young man of the military it was my duty to aid them. A blonde, red-head and one of midnight hair. Nettie, Lucy and Maria. They were very far out and I was worried they would be harmed...I heard them talking about who should do it. I didnt understand but I still wanted to help.." Jasper spared me from nothing.

He told me how badly it hurt when he changed. That she gave him people to eat, how his mind was screaming at that it was wrong, but that the burning in his throat and the monster within wouldn't let him stop. He told me of how his first kill was a woman and how she haunts him. How she was merely seventeen. He told me of how she, Maria, twisted his mind into believing this was right. How she made him kill and turn vampires just to gain more land to hunt on. He told me of depressed he became. He told me of Peter and Charlotte. How he let them go because he was baffled at the emotion they shared. How they came back for him a year later. He ended the story with explaining what they were like.

"Peter...He's such a smartass. Silly little freak that one. You'd love him. Charlotte or Charlie, oh you remind me of her. Full of piss and vinegar. They found me after...tried to help. Didnt work much. I was thinking on calling them, to help me patrol the area and keep you safe." I nodded. I had stayed silent through out his story. He was looking at me. Studying me like I was a science experiment.

"Why arent you frightened Bella?"

"Why would I be? You didnt know any different Jasper. And even then you wanted a way out of that life. I'm proud to know you Jasper. For you to be standing after all the hell you've been through. Jasper, you're the strongest person I know. " He shook his head and stared into my eyes.

"Isabella how you keep surprising me." I stared back at him. I had such respect for the man in front of me.

"Jasper...If you got over that. You cant let...her..Alice destroy you."

"I know. I truley do know that, but how? I have nothing.. I just.. I'm not good at being alone. I can't be the third wheel with Peter and Charlie. You saw me earlier I didnt even know what to do in a store. I'm not supposed to be like this. I'm a badass vampire, a war criminal, that's feared when I'm looked at. " He stood up then and put his arm under my lamp.

I walked over a studied his arm. Hundred of crescent shaped moon's covered his arm like the one on my wrist. "Even if I did want to find someone, who would want me? Did you know Alice only wanted me to wear long sleeves shirts? That she barely touched me?"

"Your scars Jasper, they define you, it's true. But they just show your past, where you've been. They are a road map. Just like mine." I took off my flannel and began to point every scar on my arms and the story behind them. This went on for hours. Me telling stories of my scars, Jasper laughing and commenting on my clumsy-ness.

Then, he began to speak thoughtfully. "It was raining Philadelphia, it was 1948. It would be a little strange of me to stand in the rain. I was trying to gain control over my bloodlust by entering the human population everyday. I walked into a dinner, to seem more normal, thats when I saw her. Of course she told me I was late, I didn't know what the hell she meant but I said sorry ma'am. She giggled and held out her hand. The first near century of my life, was a near constant emotional climate of hate, or lust in some form or another. For the very first time, I felt hope. She was adorable, sweet and kind. I didn't care how she treated me, or who she introduced me too, what she made me eat, and where. She was my hope. Hope for something better, a sense of belonging. I never got my belonging though. Just hope for it."He looked at me now, staring into his eyes I saw the pools of venom that would never fall.

"I feel like I belong here, within your presence Bella, in a way that I never, ever had with Alice. For that I thank you, and I promise you. I will let nothing or anyone hurt you in any way."

I felt hot streaks flowing down my cheeks, I was crying, I hadn't noticed. My fingers whipped at them roughly before, without a single notion of caution, I threw myself at him. Tightly wrapping my arms around his cold shoulders. His hands slowly slid around my waist, holding me a little too tightly but I didn't care.

"You will always have a place with me Jasper." I whispered into his chest.

Our night went on at a good pace. I let Jasper have the soapbox for tonight. My cheeks hurt to much as I listened to Jasper ranting about how Alice treated him. All the clothing she had forced him into, what she made him go too. He was openly saying her name. He was talking. He was annoyed. He was angry. Anger was a good emotion when used in the right way. I couldn't have been happier in this moment.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Eleven

Growing Up

After another Jasper induced coma, a mere few hours unfortunatly, I woke up to go to school. I was running late and rushing to get dressed.

"Are you sure your gonna be ok here?" I asked him for the tenth time.

"Yesss. Just go already." He was sprawled out on my bed going through my cds. I was currently hopping around trying to get my boot on. He was grinning like he was about to have a giggle fit. But as explained last night by him that men don't giggle, they chuckle.

"I'm going to contact Peter and Charlotte today, I'll be patrolling around the school. So if you need me just throw out your creepy emotions...Taylor Swift? Really Bella? Really?"

"It was a gift!" I put my eyeliner on in the little mirror on my desk. "Do you think they'll come?"

"Yeah Peter never denies a fight. Besides they'll be happy to know I've made a friend."

"Awwww I'm Jasper's friend!"

"Shut it munchkin."

"I am not that short! I'm 5'7. Technically I could be a model. Not every one can be giants."

"How do you know that? The model thing."

"I've been known to watch a little Top Model when theres nothing on."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Yep, nothing but surprises from you. Once I think I've gotten you figured out..." He trailed off shaking his head.I grinned at him and ran down the stairs. I skipped breakfast and drove straight to school.

The day was going great, no one was bothering me. Until hobag Lauren decided to make her appearance at the lunch table.

"So!" She cooed loudly to Jessica. "This Sunday I went down to La Push, stayed there until real late. Those Indian boys sure know how to party. " She grinned evilly at Jessica. Maybe it wasnt evilly, but really it looked like that. Everything about her was evil.

She'd be a great vamp. Already has the satan in her."Finnally discovered why dear Bella likes that Jacob one so much. He talked me up and we were walking on the beach..."She began to giggle violently and Jessica, the greedy attention hog joined her.

"Lauren, I hope you have a flea dip after you came near him." I grabbed my plate and dumped it in the trash. I was panicing. I hadn't yet shown my grief for Jacob. The loss of my brother. It was a loss. Things would never be the same with him. Even if I wanted to reconcile. I found myself going to my locker, grabbing my Jacket and backpack. I didnt know how I got there.

I took a deep breath and leaned up against the cool metal of my locker.

Not here.

One thing I did realize in that moment. He was exactly like Edward and Alice. He didnt want me to have a life of my own, were my choices were my own. I finished the rest of my classes with my head held high and a evil sneer in 7th period to Lauren that made her back away. I made my way to my truck with my headphones in. I didnt realize there was a vampire hiding in the other seat so when I glanced over to put my backpack down I fell out the truck.

"SWEET BABY DILL PICKLES!" My hand went straight to my heart while Jasper dissolved into chuckles.I shut the door of the truck and looked around to make sure no one saw that. Once I pulled out of the parking lot, Jasper straightened himself up. I just glared at him. He laughed more.

He coughed and tried to steady himself."Soo, I called them, they are on their merry way. They should be here tonight. Are you sure your okay with them?"

"Jasper of course. There your family, they cant be that bad."

He smiled. "I felt your emotional surge at lunch."

I then let out a string nasty curses about the girls lifestyle.

"Okay okay I wont spy on you anymore! You don't have to get cruel."

"Not you airhead, Lauren."

"Oh." He grinned."I could eat her for you."

"Aww. That warms my heart."

"I try." He said sincerely.

The short ride home ended then, as I pulled into the driveway. Jasper zapped himself to the house. I walked up the house and looked at the tarp covered object by the garage. I havent road my motorcycle by myself. Only with Jacob. I wanted to ride it today.I went into the house and up to my room. "I want to show you something today. "

He cocked an eyebrow."You gonna tell me what? Or am I left to wonder? My minds going to a you show me yours I'll show you mine type of conversation, so you better correct me." He grinned evilly.

"You. Are. A. Pervert."

"No, I just don't like surprises or waiting. And you tend to get blushy when things like that are said."

"So your just evil and manipulating then?"

"When- Your delaying!"

I grinned. "Come outside, are the neighbors around? I dont want you to be seen or something. "

"Oh so your treating me like I'm your dirty little secret? What am I to you Bella? Just a plaything to be hidden from the world?" His voice took on the tone of an jealous female.

I fell into my bed, hiding my face as the laughter shook my body. My merth making him laugh, peak at him, and pointed a finger directly at him. "You are never going to sound like that again."

The sound of manly Jasper like that was to much, just completly wrong. A little concerning actually.

He laughed loudly then was all business again.

"I can stay out of sight, but I wanted to show you this." He handed me his sketch book. It was a drawing of a house. It was beautiful country Victorian. It was large. Only one story maybe room enough for an attic. There was a tree with white flowers in the front yard. It was completly done in pencil. It was stunningly detailed.

"It's my home. The one I grew up in." I smiled at him.

"It's beautiful."

He smiled back at me. "Your turn, what's outside?"

"A motorcycle." I said happily watching his jaw drop. I placed the drawing on my desk and skipped my way outside. I peeled the tarp off to find everything as I left it. My helmet on the bike. My beautiful cherry red Harley. It hurt me that he was the one that rebuilt it, but it was mine. No one could change that. I put the helmet on and straddled the bike, pulling the keys from my jacket pocket.

I turned it on and kicked it to life. "You getting on?" I asked with a grin. His jaw was hanging open and he had a look on his face I hadn't seen before.

His eyes were dark, I couldnt feel what he was feeling. He straightened himself out almost instantly. "Hell yeah." He got on the bike behind me and I thought I wouldnt be able to drive.

How?

Bad decision Bella. First, I had never had someone behind me while riding. Second, Jasper, was Jasper. Tall, strong, vampire that had his long arms wrapped around my waist. I took a deep breath.

_Just like this._

I got a hold of myself and tried to mask the emotions I just felt. My hand tightening and twisting on the accelerater. I let myself go and drove out of town. I didnt realize I was going to the Cullen house until it was to late. The ride was peaceful. All good emotions were coming from Jasper. When we came to the drive way I stopped. I let out a sigh. Stareing down the slightly over grown gravel road.

"Jasper, do you want to try? "

"Let's go to the house first."

"Huh?" I looked back at him. "Why?"

"Becuase I think we need too. You need too."

I stared at him and breathed.

"Your subconcous brought you here Bella, you need to see it. If only for a moment."

I looked back toward the road and drove down it. I was nervous. More nervous than I thought.

Jasper's hand rubbed my back to calm me. Soothing gentle circles. We made it down the winding road and in front of the huge mansion. I took my helmet off and looked up at 's just a house. There wasnt any emotional contact left. It didnt feel like my home, like it used too. It didn't tug at my heart. There memories werent here. It was over grown, and ghostly. Hollow. This house no longer felt like my home.

"It's not the same."

"No. It isnt." His voice was a little gruff. I got off the bike then.

"Your turn mister." I pointed out everything he had to do to control it properly. I got on behind him, arms around his stone waist and we were off. He flipped off the mansion, and chuckled darkly at my shocked faced. I giggled as he roared the engine of my bike and flew down the Cullen's drive. I laughed fully now and held tight to him.

I didn't know where he was going until it was to late, yet again he was making me face something I didn't want too. We were at what I assumed was the border of La Push.  
"Jasper?"

"You need to seem him Bella. I'll get off and patrol around the woods, text me when your done, wait for me here." Jasper had also purchased a new cellphone on our shopping trip. Hand to have now I guess.

"So theres no wiggle room for me to just go back home huh?"

"Bella, you can do whatever you want. Go home, stay right here for hours or go to see your werewolf freind. This isn't easy for me to let you go see him, he's dangerous right now. But I can't let you not end this with him. I know you want to end it, I can feel what you do. I may not know exactly what it's about, but I think I know _you_ enough to infer."

He placed a cool kiss to my forhead and was gone. I sighed, as per usual Jasper was right, no matter how much I didn't want to admit it. I sped along the road, a short ways more to go to arrive at the Blacks home.

Just like the last time I was here, I pulled in and began to walk to the garage. I didn't hum the yellow brick road, I wasn't dorthy nor was I the cowardly lion. I was Isabella Marie Swan. Only child of Charles Swan and Renee Dwyer. Born september thirtenth in nineteen nintey four. I ran with vampires, hung out with werewolfs and was fluent in sarcasm. I was brave yet weak, stupid yet smart. I was a walking danger magnet. Edward's herione, vampire bite survivor, the girl who punched a werewolf in the face when he called her a leechlover, not because he offended her, but because he called her freinds a leeches.

I was here to speak to a childhood friend for the last time. He was that, a part of my childhood. The end of childhood is not when you reach a certain age, or have done certain things. But when one puts away childish things and starts thinking on there own.

Through our anger, tears, thrown tools and screams. I let Jacob know I had decided. He was the one that made me choose, yet in full disclosure I would of chosen Jasper if both parties forced me to decide. That albeit a little alarming even to myself, told me I had put away my last hope of childhood. I had too, it hurts, rather terribly, but change never did adjust well with me.

With my final words. "It will always be him."

"Get out." Jacobs voice was broken, I knew he was going to cry. Yet I turned my back, walking confidently and didn't look back, not a single time.

I was lying in bed, by the time I had arrived home it was time for me to cook dinner for Charlie, so I told Jasper to go hunt. I hadn't had the chance to speak to him until now.

"Jasper?"

"Yes Isabella?"

"Can you be my therapist for a bit?" He was in the rocking chair, putting a book to the side.

"Of course, you've been mine. I'm sure you have things to tell me." Then I explained to him more about Jacob. The good times we had. How he had helped me. Then I told him how much it hurt for him to do that to me. How he could switch so easily. He wasnt my true friend. He was only in it for himself. Then I told him of what was said today. All of it came spilling from my mouth. I began to sob. Jasper was suddenly next to me. Holding me.

I cried myself out that night. Jasper let me cry. He knew I had to get it all out of my system, not effecting my emotions. I cried for my loss of my friend. I had to feel this, to grieve. But God did it _hurt._

Jacob and I. We would never be called friends again. My Jacob. My Jake. Was gone, and it had all been because of me. My choices leading to this, yet I couldn't see a future that lead to a different path.

Chapter Twelve

The Whitlocks

I woke up, my eyes burning, lids swollen from my tears. Jasper wasn't there, he had been holding me. I looked around the room rapidly. My hand felt something. A note.

_Isabella,_

_Peter and Charlotte are here. Patrolling with them, I'll introduce you to them after school._

_I made you breakfast, its in the fridge._

_J._

I dressed and found my food on a plate in the fridge. I warmed it up in the microwave. French toast. Really really good french toast. I wolfed it down a little to fast due to how amazing it was. How the hell did _he_ learn to cook?

The entire day of school was highly pointless, but I went to it anyway. It was boring and dull. I didnt talk to anyone. What was the point? I'd never see them again. I only liked Angela, but I couldn't be around her. What if Victoria found out? I had to protect my father. I didnt know how besides forcing him to go to La Push as much as possible. Since he developed a relationship with Embry's mom, he has at least has him around.

**Note: Harry isn't dead in my story, I thought that was wrong, so I put Charlie with the next available Quiluette woman :)**

I worried about my mother often. Even though our relationship was strained now. She never contacted me anymore. She was to busy being a wife to be a mother. It was ok, she never really was the perfect one. I dont need a mother, I was more of hers anyway. I did send an email to her once a week. I got a reply once a month. Oh well. I didn't know what Jasper planned for us to do after graduation. I never talked to him about changing me. Do I even still want it?

_It's not like you have anyone to spend forever with._

What was the point of forever when you had no one to share it with anyway?

_Jasper..._

Like he would ever want me! The little voice in my head needed to be hospitalized!

_You saying you want him?_

No! I can't. I can't be falling for Jasper, he hadn't been long enough. He was a vampire, another one. I can't make the same mistakes, I'll just get more heartbreak.

_He isn't like that, you, which is techinically me, knows that. He isn't like him, no where near like him._

I couldnt be falling for Jasper. He was my friend. He was my kindred spirit. My best friend. I felt like I could tell him anything. Such instinct with him. I didnt think before I talked, but some how he took what I said and actually got it. My crazy ramblings, my you know what I means, my pain. He understood me. I under stood him in the same way. Our minds although very different were broadcasting on the same wavelength.

_He dosent love you. Not yet._

Love. When was love brought into this? I loved him? I loved him. I loved Jasper.I fell for damned vampire! Bella! What is wrong with you? Did you hair brain mother drop you? What do I do? Act normal. Yeah. Ok I'll act normal and see if he... If he feels like you do?

Oh my brain is poisoned. I let my head hit my desk hard. My sudden revelation left me feeling weak and tired. As images flooded my mind of Jasper's easy smile, causaul touches and his arms around me when I cried. My arms around him when _he_ cried. I pictured what my life would be like if I was with him. I saw myself, with pale skin and gold eyes, smiling widely holding onto his arm while he looked down at me, with that look. The look he had when he was with Alice, but better, it wasn't hope that filled his expresive eyes, but love.

Oh no. I've got it bad. I tried to picture myself with out Jasper, and I couldn't. I couldn't picture my future with no Jasper in it. I sighed. I had two more classes left. The bell rang. Split decision.

Screw it.

My back swung tightly around my arm I ducked out the school doors and straight to my truck. I pulled into the drive of my house a short time later. Jasper was on the porch steps.

"Naughty, naughty. Santa aint getting you anything this year."

"I stopped believin in Santa a long time ago. The creepy pervert can stay out of my house." He chuckled. My eyes went to the forest. I sensed them before I saw them. Two vampires.

Red eyes, but they didn't frighten me. The didnt kill innocents. Jasper had told me. The girl, Charlotte, was stunning. She was short, maybe 5'2. Unlike Alice, she had long blonde hair. She had Marilyn Monroe like curves, even the little mole and wavy tresses, yet much longer. She had a sweet nervous smile on her face. I smiled at her man was tall like Jasper, his hair was dirty blonde and long, to his shoulders. He was handsome, in the bad boy way. He looked alot like Jasper actually, they could of been real brothers.

Peter was grinning at me. It was sorta creepy, but I liked it. "Well, hello petal." Peter said, full on southern. More like Georgia instead of Jasper's Texan tone.

"Hello hon, you can call me Charlie." Her voice was adorably sweet and just as southern as her mates.

"Hey, Isabella or Bella. It don't matter. " I turned to Peter. "Petal?"

"Your hair reminds me of a petal on a blue orchid. " I grinned at that and blushed just slightly.

"I told you she wouldn't be scared Jasper." His tone was cocky.

"Whatever creeper." I was confused.

"You knew? Do you see things or?" I asked.

"Perceptive. I know things. They just...come to me. It's strange. Char's freaky thing is way better than mine." I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I can tell if two vampire's are mates or not. I just have to touch them both at the same time."

"Like Marcus?" Now all three vampires infront of me looked shocked.

"You know of the Volturi?" Jasper asked me.

"Edward told me of Carlisle's history with them. He told me of their gifts. He told me there basically the vampire popo." I leaned against the porch on the side of the house.

"Did he tell you what our laws are?" I shook my head no.

"We only have one really." Charlotte said.

"Three different but they have the same goal." Peter clarified.

"One, never make an immortal child. Two, do not make a mass number of newborns. Three do not tell a human what you are." Jasper stared at me then.

"But..I know.." I trailed off confused again.

"Yes, the only way to solve it...is to turn you or kill you." Jasper said slowly. "Which of course killing you isnt an option. And if you dont wish to become a vampire I can hide you, but well..later...Um...well we havent talked about this but..." He was stuttering and fidgeting his hands.

"You would turn me?" I said before he could say anymore.

"Yes." It was a little strange because all three of them answered, in perfect harmony. All confident, Charlotte's hair bobbing as she nodded. My eyes went back and forth between Peter and Charlotte then.

"We're in Jasper's coven hon, we're Whitlocks. Based on what Jasper's told us we wouldn't leave you alone." Charlie said with a smile and a little embarrassed hiding of her face behind her big blonde curls.

"If you wish it...well what I'm meaning to say is..."Jasper let out a sigh before he contuined. "Would you like to join my coven? Not because your being pressured...because I could hide you, you wouldnt have to be if you-"

"Yes." I said the grin that spread so far across my face so much it hurt, was for the fact that I was honored he would offer and Jasper was adorable when he was shy.

"Really?"

"Yes really. Do I have to spell it Jasper? Y-E-" And I couldn't breath. It took me a moment to realize Jasper was hugging me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and giggled. He spun me around and I giggled more.

"Jasper! You might make her sick or something!"

He put me down. "She isnt that fragile Charlie." I conjured up my most queasy look and thought of raw eggs. Panic shock through Jasper. I burst into laughter.

He glared. "Dont do that!"

"You were just worried about your boots."

"Maybe." I shook my head at him.

"Would you guys like to come inside?" It was getting a little chilly.

They nodded.

The few hours before my Dad came home were nothing but laughter. Peter told stories to me about Jasper while he looked like he was in misery. We played a mean game of monopoly. I learned that Peter cheats. I also learned that Charlotte seems to be very shy. I thought Jasper told me she was full of piss and vinegar? Was I making her nervous or something? "Charlie?" I asked.

"Yes hon?"

"Would you like to have a girl day or something? So we can get to know each other more?"

Her entire face lit up. "I've never had a girl day. All I know is boys."

"Yeah Char hasnt got any girlfriends, she scares them. Thats why she nervous around you, she think your her last chance."

SMACK!

She hit Peter on the back of the head hard.

"Woman that hurt!" Peter whined. I giggled.

"Hit him once more for me Charlie."

SMACK!

"What did I do to you!?"

"You cheat!" Jasper and Charlie couldnt stop laughing at Peters saddened puppy dog look, that screamed love me. I just crossed my arms and shook my head. Not long after that they had to leave to go and patrol. I started making dinner with the radio on low. The rest of my night was pretty good. I talked to my Dad about how I still planed to travel. He didnt like it but thought it would be good for me to get out of here. I also told him the edited version of Jacob and I's fight. I told him how angry he got when I told him he was my brother and thats it. Charlie had accepted this from me, that Jacob and I's relationship wouldn't go any further,no matter how much he had wanted it.

He was now worried that Jacob might try something with me. Cop and daddy at the same time. I told him I knew how to take care of myself and I wasnt going near him anymore. He took it hard that I didnt want to see him at all, but he accepted it. I was his daughter, he'd do anything for me. I made sure that my business didn't effect his and Billy's friendship though.

I didnt see Jasper again till later that night when I was all ready for bed. I was drawing when his face popped into my window. He was hanging on the ledge grinning at me.

"You coming in?" He propped him self in the window.

"You like them. They like you."

"Jasper speak like this. Me caveman. You cavewoman."

He was suddenly on top of me, a low growl in his chest.

"You making fun of me little girl?"

"Yes big man child."

His eyes were all smiles but his face was menacing. He began tickling me and my drawing tools went flying as I tried hopelessly to make him stop. He tickled my neck then my side and then my knees. The knees is when I really started to freak out.

"No! Stop!" An eruption of giggles came from my mouth." Pleeasse.

"You not gonna make fun of me anymore?"

I nodded yes. "Say it!"

"Yes! I wont!" He grinned victoriously and layed down next to me.

He put an arm behind his head and layed the other underneath mind.

"You wanna go to sleep now darlin'?" I layed my head on his chest and pulled the blanket over me. He stroked my hair slowly and began to hum. I could lie like this forever. I couldn't help but take notice of my hand on his chest. Even though it was cold, it felt less cold than Edward's ever was. Jasper feels more room temperature. He can still make me feel like I'm on fire, though. I quickly thought about something else, hoping he'd work his mojo. I silently prayed I didnt sleep talk anymore. Sleep took me then, with those last thoughts.

Chapter Thirteen

Jaspers side.

Note: This chapter is completly in Jasper point of veiw.

I couldn't believe this tiny, feisty, little human trusts me enough to lay in my arms. She was small. But not as nearly small as Alice, who was a pixie in true form. She had grown since I had last seen her. The roundness of her face was gone. Traces of child hood no longer there. Her cheek bones were more prominent. The shaggy blue hair she now had made me smile. I did wish that her hair would be a little longer before she was changed. It was an inch or two above her shoulders now. At least it wasnt the twelve-year-old boy cut Alice had. She wanted to become a vampire. Still. After all she's been through. I can see her like me. Pale and fierce. Her angry kitten nature would turn into a vicious tiger. I would love to see her like that. I was going to see her like that. She didnt want Edward back at all. That made me more than pleased. I never liked that mind-raper. They didnt look right together. Even though she looked so happy with him there was something always off about the emotions. I always knew it would never last. Forced.

When you sit back and watch, you learn alot. I observed the Cullens. I was there solely for Alice and that I wanted to learn control. Carlisle was a natural leader, as was I. I couldn't have a larger role in the family or we would butt heads. I loved Emmett like a brother. Who couldnt love the huge teddy bear. Rosalie despite her natural harsh exterior, cared more than anyone in that household. She was trying to frighten Bella away. Didn't work, the little freak doesnt get scared. Esme wanted to be my mother so badly. But mine died long ago and I was a grown man. Carlisle was a good friend. Not a father. Edward and I never got along. He hated me. When I was first in the family and Edward took to Alice so quickly... He wouldnt leave her alone. It got where I couldn't take it and Edward lost an arm.

I chuckled at the memory and made sure Bella didn't wake. He didn't mess with me after that though. His arm used to twitch if I growled. I'd have to tell Bella that story. She'd get a kick out of it. When it came to women I believed they needed to be treated right. She wasnt with Edward. I should have spoken up. So many should of's. There was many questions with Isabella.

How could I talk to her? I couldn't with Peter or Charlie. Before I came back to Forks I was in complete hell. My guilt for Bella was so intense I had to send her a letter, something. I never thought they'd leave her. Someone so sweet, so pure. She was alone out here. With our laws! With Victoria on the loose. Stupid boy. If I ever saw Edward again I'd more than likely kill him. Something that stupid is a complete waste of space. When I saw the wide eyed human, everything changed. Click! I had the motivation to move on. I didn't understand it. I still dont.

How could she not fear me? How could she stand to be around me? How could she not blame me for the Cullens leaving? Better yet, why did I care? I always had. I never knew why. I tried to brush it off as it was because Alice cared for her so. After Edward told us of her and banned me from killing her like I wanted, I didnt listen. I went to her home, I was going to go into her room and kill her. Destroy the threat against the family. Be the bad guy like I always was. I couldnt. I was glued to the tree. So innocent. I couldnt move a muscle closer to her. If Edward ever knew I went there, he never mentioned it.

Peter and Charlotte cared for her instantly. It was astounding how easily they took to her. She was always like that. She has this habit of making people happy and protective of her. The Cullens, the wolves, my brother and sister. Me. How? I dont know. I didn't like not knowing. I liked having a plan. I was a military man. I didn't like not knowing what to do. I depended on Alice so much. Telling me what to wear, where to be, what to say, what will happen when I say or do a certain thing. Maria telling me who to kill, when, where, how bloody. The army telling me where to go and the plan. I couldnt stand on my own anymore. I hated it.

Bella, the crazy little thing, she never once told me what to do. I adored her for that. I adored her for the way she could make me smile. She had become my best friend so quickly. I wanted to know her more. I wanted to be able to have time to just be silly and happy. I just had to take care of Victoria. We couldn't do it on our own. Even if we changed Bella. I had to call in some freinds. The wolves would be a tremendous help, but that little pup that made my Isabella cry would never come near her again. Not unless I was a smoking pile of ashes.

My Isabella? I frowned. She wasnt mine, she would never be. She was accepting but she'd never want me like that. Did I even want her like that? I didn't know. Did she want me at all? My perfect memory recalled her staring at me when I was changing, I hadn't cared that she was there, it was a stupid move on my part. She was attracted to me, but she hid it well. Embarrassed of it. What if she did like me, enough to date me, but it wasn't enough and she found some one better? I couldn't take it if I was left alone again. Not by her. Not by this angel. This fallen angel that cursed like a sailor a times, wanted to get a tattoo, had several piercings on her ears, hung out with vampires, wasnt afraid of them, even wanted to be one. She was strong. A warrior when she was angry. I feared her glare would ever turn on me. She'd be truly frightening as a vampire. My frown turned into a smile at that image. I'd figure out the rest down the road.

I looked down at her angel's face. She was so peaceful like this. I closed my eyes and let myself feel her emotions fully. It was the closest thing to sleep I could ever have anymore. I missed sleep so much, I would cherish these moments when she let me be so close to her while she slept. Directly absorbing her emotions, all I needed now was dreams.

"Mmm..th...spiiderrs.." The mumbled softly in her sleep. She talked alot, mostly unreconizable. It was adorable. She even giggled.

"Jjasperr... stop them... dancing... wrong.." I chuckled silently.

"Shhh Bella, I won't let the dancing spiders touch you." Deathly fear of eight legged tiny creatures, but hugging a vampire whilst she slept.

"Mmmm.. Jasper.." She snuggled closer into me, hands clawing at my shirt, fisting it in her tiny hands. I smiled, stroking her hair softly. I closed my eyes, succumbing into a false sleep.

Chapter Fourteen

Girls Day

I woke up the next day to the shring sound of my alarm. I hurriedly shut it off. Right after I was pulled back down. "Five more minutes." Jasper mumbled sleepily? His lips curled upward feeling my shock and question.

"Your emotions.. It's almost real." I smiled at that and snuggled back into him.

"I wish I didn't have to go to school anymore. I wish it was just over. It's rather pointless. I am graduating early due to all my honors classes, but still."

"Your almost done Bella, it'll be here soon enough. Don't you want to spend sometime with your father?" Guilt pour into me thinking of how foolish I was for rushing, not thinking these were going to be the last days I'd spend with him.

"Your right, now I feel bad."

"Don't. Your just worried."

"Do you think Charlie would like to hang out this friday? Could you ask her when you see her today?"

"Of course darlin'."

The rest of the day turned out as normal, slow and boring until I got home and hung out with the Whitlocks. It was fun and I was getting to known them as a couple, but I was aching to know Charlotte more. She was more open now. She really was like me. At some points we even said the same exact thing. I never had that before, a female that was like me. I didn't get along well with girls. I was excited about this friday. I didn't know what we were going to do yet, maybe just strolling Port Angeles like I did with Jasper.

I just wanted her away from the boys. I had a question to ask her. The day came and I called in sick to school. I then started picking out my clothes while Jasper rocked in his chair. Hmm. His chair. Yes he looked better in it then Edward ever did. The heel of his boot gently rocking him while he read. He was happy, contentment was rolling off him.

I found my "Normal People Scare Me" shirt and simple grey jeans. While in the bathroom I examined my blue hair that was fading to a sea-foam color.I needed to redye it. Maye I'd dye it something different. I was dressed, fed and downstairs when Charlie and Peter popped into the house.

"Ready for bro day emo?" Jasper grinned at him and they disappeared. I smiled at Charlotte.

"Do you mind if we just go to Port Angelas?"

"Um, could I have a talk with you before hand hon?"

"Of course." I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. She timidly joined me.

She was still afraid she would scare me. So sweet.

"I..I've been meaning to say somethings to you about Jasper, I feel you should know more about his state when we found him."

"You found him?"

She nodded. "Alice called us telling us where to look. Of course that conversation went very well." She shook her head bitterly. "I could never stand her, from the moment I saw her. Way to happy, no ones that happy accept maybe clowns and those a creeps that greet you when you enter a store. The little pixie sure danced her way into his heart though. It was easy, he had been used to much, he wanted hope. He wanted something that was good. She did what she wanted, she got a protector and arm candy. Now that she'd found her mate she just threw him away. He lost it hon. He went on a rampage, not killing humans of course, he couldnt let her down anymore. He wasnt stable, Peter got the feeling her was fixin to kill himself. He still got those feels up until he came here, to you. We had no idea about you. He didn't tell us till he asked us for our help, Peter told him to write to you. When didn't know your location or you name. But we knew wherever he had went like a bat outta hell was keeping him stable." She looked at me then.

I would stay silent until she finished her tale. I gave her the contiune look and she did."The pain that he was in sometimes got so overwhelming he had to throw it out. Maybe not on purpose, maybe he needed a release from the pain, but it sent me a Peter to our knees a couple of times. I didn't understand why he was reacting so harshly. She isn't his mate. Not his true one. I knew that from the beginning, I casually touched the both at the same time not long after I first met her. Nope. He felt strong toward her, he a had a strong tie to her. It was returned, a little lesser, but it was there. Just not his mate."

She looked away. " I didnt know till he explained you to us, that is."

"What do you mean?"

"Bella..."She touched my hand then her eyes got a slightly cast over look. "I didn't know why he reacted so badly. The bond formed I can feel from merely touching you. It's different that anything I've felt before. Sweet heart your mates. Now he hasn't realised it. I didn't wish to tell you but Peter told me this was the only-"

"Wait." She stopped talking. "Hes...?" I couldn't get the words to form.

"Yes, your mates. You might not know it know since your human, of how strong a tie it is."

"What, how...what does it feel like to be mated to Peter?" That was the question I had wanted to originally ask her.

"When Peter first found me, he was completely changed, he wouldn't let anyone go near me and he had no idea why. Of course I did, but didn't fully understand it. It feels like they complete you. Like you've known them forever. Like you can't fathom any life with out them. It dosent have to be romantic. It could even be a sister/brother bond or best friends. Your whatever the one most in need, in pain, physical or mental, needs you to be. It's pure instinct. Its...just...love. At its finest moment. Some people say it takes decades to realise." Charlotte sighed and looked at me again, her eyes pleading. "You must understand that it isn't boom bada bing husband. It does takes work. It's not magic, it's finding your true love. Your soul mate, but that dosent mean you wont have issues."

I sat there silent. I dont know how long I pondered this new information she had given me. Part of me was rejocing. Jasper! Jasper was my mate. Your soulmate. Another part of me was worried beyond beleif. He didnt know this yet. How long would it take him to realize? Wait so now you're believing it? Why wouldn't I? I need to believe this. I must believe this. This means I'm not purely insane and crushing on another vampire.

I'd wait. I'll wait for him. But I hope it wasn't long. Wasn't it that the man was waiting on the woman?I wasn't as nearly calm and a good enough lier to keep it up for very long.

"Okay.. Please dont tell him. I want him to find this out. "

"You already knew didn't you?" She asked her voice dumbfounded.

"Not exactly, but I had already realised it. That I loved him. And hey, what do I have to loose?"

_What do I have to lose?_

_"_Nothing honey, you won't loose anything with Jasper."

"It explains some things, but at the same time makes alot more questions."

If Jasper was my mate, then how did he attack me on my birthday? Weren't you not supposed to be able to hurt your mate? I understand fully why he did, that the emotions and the blood was to much for him. His past was horrible, a life full of instant gratifcation, and then to switch to restraint so quickly and not being able to eat your normal food source. It wasn't easy, and then when you slice a girl open...

"Your thinking 'bout his loss of control aren't you?"

"Yeah.. "

"I..."

"Your got no answers for that do you?" I asked smiling just slightly.

"No, I'm afraid not. But he would never hurt you now."

I sat back, processing this information. I took this silent moment away from Jasper, in the kind presence of Charlotte to really, _really_ think.

First things first, Jasper was my mate, I felt the pull, I felt the kindred spirits between us. Second I did not think he was anywhere close to being ready for this, his wounds were to raw. He put on a strong face, and he was getting better, but I still wondered, was I his Jacob? Something that he would grow out of? I put that thought on the back burner for today, only time would tell.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes tightly. I hadn't thought of that night in a very long time, I tried to push it from my thoughts, something to cringe and run from. I loved a mystery, something to solve, it nearly reminded me of how I found out about the Cullens, except more , suddenly I was there again.

_**NOTE: MOST OF THIS WAS DIRECTLY COPIED FROM THE ACTUAL NOVEL. I do try to make this as plausable and accurate although I do take free reign in there personalities/ appearance.**_

Edward roared.

He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the

table. It fell, as I did, scattering the cake and the

presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the

mess of shattered crystal.

Jasper slammed into Edward, and the sound was like

the crash of boulders in a rock slide.

There was another noise, a grisly snarling that

seemed to be coming from deep in Jasper's chest.

Jasper tried to shove past Edward, snapping his teeth

just inches from Edward's face. Emmett grabbed him from behind then, Jasper struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me.

Then as I disected the moment, I realised Jaspers eyes weren't empty, those eyes that I had gotten to know so well, those expressive eyes. They were terrified, and angry. Then my memories flipped back, like the pages of a books.

Edward roared.

He threw himself at me-

I focused my thoughts like a victim you'd see in a crime show, I focused as hard as I could on Edward's features. His face, that had once made me swoon, was full of... _Hunger. _ Edward was going for me, but some how maybe his control kicked in and he pushed me away from him, or maybe he was protecting me from Jasper. Not because he loved me, but as if a lion protecting it's prey from another predator. But Jasper, wasn't looking to kill me, he was protecting me, his instincts must of kicked in then. His eyes, the _snarl I had heard that before. _

Jacobs body shook, he reached out for me. A low deep growl roared in warning of him.

Jaspers growl wasn't hungry, but protective. My eyes snapped open, a small gasp escaping my throat. Of course, I had no idea how to prove this. Charlotte had said Peter had no Idea why he acted the way he did to her at first. Could it be that Alice and Edward had simply put the blame on Jasper? He wasn't that important to the Cullen family after all, not like Edward was. The hurt that Carlisle and Esme would suffer from knowing there golden child had slipped up, on his girlfriend no doubt would be horrible. So why not shove the blame on the problamatic one?

"Bella?" Charlottes voice broke me from my thoughts. I needed to get my mind off of this for a while, the stress of everything was taking a toll on my system. A girls day was what I needed.

"Ready?" I said, my face changing from focused and a little frustrated to happy in an instant.

She cocked an eyebrow gave me the your slightly crazy look but hopped up lightly to her feet.

"Yep!"

The rest of the day was extremely light-hearted. Nothing of real matter was happening. Just girls having fun. It was what I needed. She knew this. I loved her for it. That night she dyed my hair black. I loved it. So did Jasper.

Over the next days she became my sister. I deeply loved this girl. My days were either with Charlotte, everyone, Jasper, or Charlie. I wanted to spend some time with him before I left. Before I couldn't seem him again. I would mourn him, but I was still in his life. I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. I was processing that these would be my last days with him. I even went fishing with him, and I didn't go to the emergancy room!

The last weeks of school passed me by quickly. More so than I though they would be. Tomorrow was my graduation day. My last day in Forks, Washington. My last day as Bella Swan. I wouldn't come back here again. I couldn't. I had to protect Charlie. I'd have to give him closure of some sort. I had to make him think I dead, that I wasn't coming back. Maybe wrecking my poor truck... I couldn't think of this now. I was to happy listening to Jasper read.

He was reading some silly history book he bought, I was never a fan of history, but if Jasper was the teacher I'd suddenly want it as my college major. He voice could build a pathway to the past, a vivid recall...well besides the times he yelled at the book for being wrong.. I would savor tomorrow. It would simply be the principle giving me my diploma. Honors classes and advanced ones earned me a nice shorter stay in this hell hole called highschool. Also, it didn't make me have to walk on stage in that gown.

My mind slowly shut down from all the rapid thoughts processing through my brain. I mildly had a thought that Jasper was doing this, but it was too late. I succumbed to slumber with my head on Jaspers lower chest, his hand stroking my now ebony locks.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Fifteen

Bittersweet

_My body was moving fluidly through the forest. Adrenaline rushing through my veins. I can't run...why am I running so good. I didn't care, I laughed, it bubbled out of me joyously. I looked down at my pale arms and hands. Dark blue-black veins under the marble white skin. Vampire. I came to a lake. I looked out onto the clear waters to see my father and Billy fishing. I smiled. I was happy Charlie was ok, but suddenly I was there by them. A loud roar came from some where. Suddenly I was at Charlie's throat-_

I screamed when I awoke. Jasper came bursting through the window. "Shhhhhh darlin'." His arms went around me. He asked me to tell him about my nightmare. I told him everything. Jasper promised me so sternly, so surely, that he'd never let me hurt a human. He told me of his home in the woods of Montana that had no one around for 100's of miles. He told me how bad of shape it was in, and that I could do anything I wanted to the style of the house.

That I had first pick of rooms. That I needn't be changed soon, I could wait as long as I wanted. I didn't want it to be now. I wanted to wait until I was older. I was only eighteen. I wanted to have mild respect and at least not be a teen. I had to get out of bed at some point. I loved Jasper's vivid tales of my soon to be new home but...

Today was the day. Receiving my diploma wasn't an extreme big deal. Only my father was there, there was no stage just a lot of good luck and pamphlets for colleges. I went out to eat with Charlie at his favorite place.

"Bella...are you sure you're going to leave today? I know your set on this and I trust you. I know whatever you do you'll be great at it. Just...wont be the same with out you." My father never talked about thing like this. He got it all out quickly and wasnt making eye contact.

Oh daddy... I would miss him so much.

"Dad, I'll be ok, it's something I need to do. Maybe, maybe I'll wait one more day. I'll spend today with you, then leave in the morning. I'll miss you alot, coming to Forks was the best thing I could have done. Even with all the stupid boy issues I've had. I want to find some place of my own, though. I want to see things I haven't before. Live. Then I'll settle down and go to college. Everything will be fine Daddy. Please dont worry about me. I'll be okay no matter what, trust me?" He made eye contact with me and nodded.

"You don't have to stay, just for me. I want you to leave when it's your time. I know you'll be ok. Been through just about everything. Your a strong kid Bells. I checked out your truck today made sure all the levels where up. " Just like that it was changed.

I asked him about Tiffany, Embry's mom. He got all wrinkly smiles. It was sweet. I knew he'd be okay then. He had someone to take care of him. I felt like I had the best day with my father I had ever had for conversation. Seemed right. Since I wouldnt be seeing him again...

My misery for this was over shown by how much I needed to protect him. Thats the only thing that stopped me from holding him and sobbing.

Did in fact decide to leave today, but I made our lunch a long one. All to quickly I was placing my already packed bags into the back of my truck. I packed my favorite books, favorite clothing, my music, and my scrapbooks of my life. Still it was all in about 3 bags and a suitcase for the things that would damage. Charlie looked a little teary eyed and he was sort of shifting back and forth on the porch. I launched my self at him and hugged him tightly.

To my surprise he hugged me back just as tight. "I don't know why this feels like a good-bye." He said quietly. So low I didn't think he meant for me to hear. So I didn't comment.

"I love you Daddy."

"Love you, Bells, always have, always will." I released him then and stumbled to the truck.

"I'll call you Dad." I waved and smiled at him. A promise I wouldn't keep.

"Call me as soon as your able, not while driving! Be careful! Stop somewhere at night!" Theres the cop in him. I climbed into the truck and turned the key, it roared to life in the familiar way I had grown accustumed too. He was waving at me. It was the last image I had in my head of him. I did not look in the review mirror the entire way out of Forks. I did not cry.

Atleast until I saw the good bye sign. Then I sobbed brokenly, body shaking violently. Trying to see to drive was a hard thing to do when you're sobbing so hard your eyes are on fire. I screamed when the hard jump of a vampire hitting the solid truck's steel frame. The passenger side opened, I was moved away from the steering wheel. I couldnt stop crying, couldn't see who it was but I knew it was him. I pulled my legs up to my chest and hid my face in my hands.

I felt bad that Jasper had to feel this coming from me, but I couldnt help it. It made me feel helpless. I promised myself I would get all my tears out now. So I did. I cried and cried. I wailed and my body shook. Jasper didn't calm me. I was happy of that. Maybe he knew I needed to do this. Thoughts of my father from my earliest to the present were swimming in my mind. At some point I cried myself to sleep. I woke up to country music playing on the radio. It was dark out. I looked out the window to see a sea of stars. My eyes hurt, lids puffy from crying. Jasper was singing to some ancient country song. Purposly doing it badly. I knew he could sing, he had a good voice.

I let out a small giggle at the absurd voice he was using. "Here." He handed me a bag of something. I smelled then. Ah, drive thru food.

"Peter told me you'd be hungry so I stopped a couple minutes ago."

"Thank you."

"No problem sugar."

"Not just for the food.."

"I know." He said softly. I ate my cheeseburger and enjoyed the show of Jasper. He was trying to lift my spirits and was doing a damn good job of it. I didn't know how he could, especially over something like this, but he did. Maybe it was the fact that I knew I was doing the good thing, bringing the dager towards me, instead of Charlie. Or maybe Jasper just had that effect on me.

I giggled through bites, nearly choking and as belted out the lines of All my Exs Live in Texas. He made me laugh so much I decided to start singing along when Patsy Cline came on. I'd never admit it fully, but I liked her music.

Jasper chuckled."Your singing...It's like your bearing your soul...to the world."

"Go bite a porkiepine Jasper!"

Thus started the beginning of our road trip to Jasper's house outside of Billings, Montana.

Chapter Sixteen

Road Trip

The drive would be a total of eighteen long hours. Both states being vast in there land mass. The passing surrondings were beautiful, from what I could see of them. We had to drive at night because of my normal tinted windows, or Jasper would be terrifying fellow drivers with his disco ball effect.

It was daylight hours now, without the constant cover of clouds the light would be shining brightly soon. We pulled into a motel, that wasn't fancy, on the cheaper side, the paint was sun burnt. This area of Washington was on the sunnyside. I went into the reception area with him, a little creeped out from staying in the truck by myself. The town was urban and rugged, small but somehow seedy.

"I would of kept going but the next town isn't for a hundred miles." Jasper told me, his hand on my lower back as he saw my eyes dart around.

"It's okay, I just don't want the sun to come up. Besides, I have the biggest bad on my side. What could go wrong?" I grinned at him.

"Thus begins the horror film." He said opening the door, the little bell ringing brightly. I stook close to Jasper, as he talked to the grumpy little man behind the counter. He gave us a dirty look eyes glancing between us.

"By the hour or-" My face flushed a white hot, although my cheeks would be the color of crimson.

"For the day." Jasper's voice was a little gruff, he spoke harshly to the man after that. The man was clearly taken aback, some how instantly frightened. He wasn't exactly nice before, but atleast he was polite. I frowned, the man was a jerk, but the phrase kill them with kindness came to mind. He had to be making him afraid.

"You okay? You bout made him crap himself back there." One side of my mouth was upturned, and I side-ways glanced at him.

"I didn't like the way he assumed about you." He said looking away.

I stayed silent as he grabbed my backpack from the bed of the truck. It held my most nessary elements of clothing and my tollietries. He held it out to me, while he grabbed everything else. Good. I didn't trust to be robbed around here. I lead the way, key in my hand to the room on the end of the single complex small motel. It was farthest from reception in the deserted place.

I open the door, a little effort with the key and let him in. I was surprised that it was actually somewhat clean. I tossed my back pack on the bed as he slammed the door shut with his foot, placing my other things in the corner. I closed the curtains roughly of the large window in the front of the room. _Who has that big of windows in a hotel? _The room was instantly dark, the light morning no longer aluminating the small room.

A light flicked on as soon as I began to panic. I smiled at Jasper. The room held only one bed, which didn't really matter, a TV in front of the window that was directly in the line of sight to the bed. Night stands, lamps and nearly falling apart dresser. The door towards the back of the room must of been the bathroom.

It was strange how this room looked so much like the one in Pheonix. Jasper plopped onto the bed, remote in his hand, the other behind his head. It highly amused me to seem him so normal, so human.

"Why don't you shower, so you can't sleep in an actual bed?"

"You saying I stink? It's only been a couple hours." But as I said this I took my backpack and began walking to the bathroom. I was exhasted, cleaning up felt like a good idea.

"No, I just want a moment alone to veiw some of the quality-"

"Ewww! Again I never would of thought that such a kind guy that told me I was worth in a hotel room that looked a lot like this would be _such_ a pervert."

"I didn't even finish, are you telling me your aware of-?" His eyebrows rose high before he burst into laughter over my stuttering.

"I can't stand you sometimes." Before I ran into the bathroom slamming the door behind me.

The shower resembled _physco _slightly but atleast the water ran clean and was actually hot. I took advantage of my alone moment to shed a few more silent tears. Their saltyness blending in with the streams of hot water as I saw on the floor of the tub. Knees pulled up to my chest, arms wrapped around them tightly.

Once I had cried myself out I firmly face planted onto the bed, laying carelessly ontop of the covers. "You all right darlin?"

"No, but I will be." I answered.

"I meant what I said back then Bella." He said after a while of silence.

"What do you mean?"

"When I said you were worth it. I was so scared we might loose you, that I might loose you. You were and are the most important thing for me to keep alive. Bella you are worth it my darlin' and I'm never letting you go. Sorry, but I can't."

I peered up at him, he was staring at the TV his face unreadable. "I don't want you too."

I rose, pulled back the blankets, laying on my side not facing Jasper. I curled tightly into a ball the blankets surronding me fully. The lights were flashed off and the volume was turned down so low I couldn't here it, but I know he could. Then I felt the wave of calm come over me. I slipped into an odd dream.

_- Edward and I were in the woods, he was telling me he was leaving. That I wasn't worth it, wasn't good enough for him. He leaned down his face a hard mask as he was about to kiss me good by, when I met a pair of cold lips I realized that I was not in the meadow with Edward anymore and it was not his lips on mine. The icy lips belonged to my Jasper, we were standing on a cliff in a sprawling desert that I vaguely recogniced as the Washington Gorge. I pulled away slightly, smiling at him. My foot catching nothing but air as I began to fall backwards. Jasper jumped off right after me, pulling my body to his, his voice echoing. "I told you Bella I am never letting you go"-_

I sprang up gasping and feeling around, terrified from the feeling of nothing but air beneath me. "Bella? Sweet heart I'm here, it's okay."

Cold strong arms pulled me gently back down to the bed, he pulled me into his chest and I was glad for it. I was sweaty from the fear and vivid-ness of my dream. I clenched my eyes tightly, not wanting to think of the dream, but it kept coming back into my mind.

Why would I even think of Edward in that way anymore? Yet it was my first dream of Jasper in _that_ way. Maybe it was the strange-ness of again being in a hotel with Jasper, hearing him say familar words, the delerium of my greif. A combonation of all of them, but I didn't have long to think, as Jasper was pulling me under again. "I'll fight the bad dreams this time angel."

And I was consumed by blackness of dreamless slumber.

Chapter Seventeen

Home

When we pulled into the bumpy gravel road I wasn't expecting what I saw at the end of it. It wasn't huge like the Cullen house. I slightly expected it to be. It was a one story cabin as far as I could tell. Perfect logs that looked like they were at least one hundred years old.I stood outside of it with my jaw slightly open just staring. It was perfect. The yard was run down, the cuirtons in the window looked like they were from the 50s.

He did warn me, but the imperfections made it perfect. Just like Jasper. I looked at him now, he was smiling and staring at me. I stared back. Pure joy was radiating off of him and his grin was stunning.

"You like it. You actually like it." God he was beautiful, how could I have not taken notice of him back then? How could he think I wouldnt love it?

"No."

"But your emot-"

"I love it. " He was suddenly hugging me tightly and forgot about the house completely. He smelled devine. Like tobacco, molasses and a hint of whiskey. And just...man. That scent that only women can explain in the goofy-ness of there dazed minds.

"Welcome home. It's yours now. Ours now." Ours. I liked that word. Ah... I love him.

Oh monkies! Hes emo Bella!

Alarm came from him then. "Your emotions just disappeared. It's like your not here." He began exaiming me with his eyes then."Did you do that?"

"I..I dont know." I played dumb. He frowned. Peter came bounding from the house then.

He threw a bucket full of little tiny cut up ...oh sweet jesus what where those. Paper let's say paper. Yes even my mind had to play dumb at this moment.

"Peter!" Jasper roared, Peter took off giggling and Jasper ran after him.

Charlotte was giggling on the porch."You allowed him to do that?"

She nodded her head. "Yes I did, and wow Jaspers kinda stupid at this ain't he?"

I just nodded, shrugging slightly and walked over to her. "Wanna pick your room? We still have to go shopping, there isn't really...beds..."

"Today?" I groaned.

"It's early, you can nap on the ratty couch he has in there if you dare it, before we go to Billings."

"Naw I'm not tired, but shopping will make me tired." I just then took notice of the four door monster of a black truck parked besides mine. "Who's is that?"

"Peter's, sometimes I think he loves it more than me."I laughed. Oh I could make some comments for that today.

Charlotte and I toured the house, it had four bedrooms one in each corner. Only one bathroom though, but that was okay.

I found my bedroom, the back corner to the right, it had a huge window that looked out the back yard. The back yard, ha. It was a field. The floor was old wood, the kind that didnt have the shiny stuff on it. I liked that. For some odd reason. There was a bed frame on the floor and ancient desk in the corner. I touched the desk, although it was covered in dust it was beautiful. It was a dark wood and looked like what you imagined Edgar Allen Poe wrote all of his poems at. I'd keep this.

I only really needed, bookshelves, a dresser and a bed. It didn't have a closet. That I didn't mind at all, I didnt have much clothes. Charlotte left me staring out my window.

Jasper came in shortly after. "This one?" I looked back at him and smiled. "Always surprising." He mumbled.

"We going to Billings now?" He nodded.

We got into Peter's truck, Jasper and I in the back seat, I peered forward to see Peter lovingly stroking the dashboard."Do...you want some alone time? Maybe mood music? I have my mp3 player..."

Peter glared at me. "Little lady respect the truck."

"You respect her, at least buy her some gas before you grope her." And that was enough to press the silently laughing Jasper and Charlotte into howling laughter. Billings was the largest city in Montana, but it only reached just over one hundred thousand in population. It took us 2 hours driving to get here, I was truly getting sick of the driving, but hey I was bought more fast food. I screamed for Peter to stop once I saw the little second hand furniture store.

"There?" Peter said.

"Yes, just drop me off."

"I'll go with you." Jasper said. We got out and went into the calm little store. No one was in there and I mean no-one. Soon on my little second hand store adventure I found a night stand, and bookcase, all painted a dark purple that had flecks of black on them. Sorta tacky but sorta awesome and I fell in love with them.

"I've only found those things that I can afford, have you found anything?"

"Isabella.."He handed me a two cards then.

One was a black visa card that had the name Isabella M. Whitlock. The other was a state of Montana drivers licence that held the same name along with a current picture of me.

"I ca-"

"Yes you can, your apart of this family now, so its only right that you have your start of money." He sternly said it and pushed acceptance at me, which I could of shrugged off. I had the feeling Jasper would fight for this, so I didn't.

"Okay..fine. Thank you Jasper...you really di-"

"Yes I did." He interupted again, so I tried a different route.

"I saw a dresser over there, since I have money now I think I'll get it."

"I think theres a bed frame in the back you might like by the way. Also I've found my things as well." He called Peter then and told him to get a uhaul over here.

When we paid for everything the owners have a fit over us, so happy they had their sons help load. They we extremely happy for our business. Charlotte had gotten me a mattress, the bed frame Jasper told me about was black and simple. Jasper forgoed getting a bed frame, but purchased a large desk. Shopping went well but it had thouroughly tired me out. She had also gotten me the rest of the things I would need, like curtains and bedding. Peter had told her what colors I would want, which was extremely helpful and nice. She had even picked up a dark purple paint that I adored and couldn't wait to paint over the nasty little flowers that covered the wall paper. I napped leaning on Jasper's shoulder the entire way home.

With the help of the vampires in the house my room was set up extremely quickly. Apprently Charlotte had bought all the other things too, she said might as well get it over with and texted me things she liked when we were in town. We basically had the same style to so I loved her choices, and gave her free rein to order the new furniture. I was placing all the things I had brought with me in their proper places. It didnt take long, I hadn't brought much but I took a little happiness in having a more adult room. I was liking my new home. It was already home to me. I loved my window. I loved my room. I'd paint tomorrow, all the new furnitionings were moved from the walls so I could.

I dressed for bed and climbed into my new bed that happened to be queen sized. Much larger than my simple twin bed I'd had for the majority of my eighteen years. _Ahhh the room_. I was wiggling around in it when Jasper came in chuckling.

"Ready for bed sweet heart?"

"Yes my sweet sleeping pill." Just like the night he first let me lay on his chest he pounced and tickled me.

"Oh really?"

"Stopppppp!" I was giggling madly and flailing my arms. He was tickling my knees, his face close to mine. He was chuckling rather evilly. I dont know what came over me in that moment but it happened. My lips pressed to his, out of instinct of them being so close. He froze his body completely, not a single muscle not moving.

I started to panic but it didn't last long. Our first kiss was much different than the one I had first shared with Edward, I felt horrible for comparing but I couldn't help it. It was so very different, not as restrained yet careful, but it wasn't because he thought I was fragile or would hurt me. The sese of urgency convied in the kiss told me he wanted me. He pulled back from my lips slowly. I took a deep, heavy breath, my heart rate betrayed me.

He stared at me. Trying to find the answer in my eyes.

_Please realise._

One of his hands, that had mere moments ago been tickling my sides, moved from my waist and gently stroked my cheek. It wasn't icy cold nor did it prevoke fire, it felt warm and perfectly in place there. The second kiss was better than the first, ever so slightly do to the fact that he started this one. When I tried to advance, just slightly, he didn't fling himself from me, he was calm and had just as much need. I discovered he tasted like he smelled, tobacco I had only tried once, sweet molasses candy and whiskey that had again, only once graced past my lips on a dare. He was familar and new all at the same time.

It came to a natural stop, it didn't feel like I was being regected, it made me feel at peace. He laid his head on my heart holding me gently. I stroked his hair and sighed happily. This is my image of heaven. I didn't want to stop this feeling, but sleep was taking me. Jasper wasn't perfect. He wasn't a saint. He wasn't even really that nice to people he didn't care for. He was strong. He was smart, cunning. He was a soldier. But he was tender and sweet, funny and sarcastic. Jasper was mine, and I wasn't going to let anything, not matter how large or strong of a threat it might be, come between us.

I felt more at home here, in this cabin home in Montana, in the arms of Jasper than I had ever felt before. More than my mothers homes in Arizona, California and Florida. More than Forks, more than the Cullens mansion. But it wasn't the house, no it wasn't the conforting new bed or blanket of stars. It was Jasper's arms.

Chapter Seventeen

Changes

When I awoke I couldn't of been happier. Did I dream last night? It felt like a dream, to good to be true, but the slight tenderness of my lips told me it was vibrantly real. I felt in the bed for Jasper, he was wasn't there. I raised up and found him staring out the window, back facing me. I crawled out of the bed and padded my bare feet to him, my arms snaked around his waist and I just conforted in the fact that he let me, that he was here, that I was here.

He let out a breath and turned his body in my arms and cupped my face with his hands. "You really felt it didn't you? I thought, I worried all night that I somehow let my power slip, that you were feeling what I was feeling. That I pressed my own emotions unknowingly at you. I don't understand how this happened Isabella..."His thumb rubbed circles on my cheek.

"Jasper...You could of never let your power slip on me, you know how I can shake it off when I want too..and..the fact that...well.." His eyebrows knitted together.

"You can tell me anything darlin'." I knew that already.

"I felt this way towards you for a while now." Shock radiated from him. He really was oblivious to my feelings toward him. Huh. I was always told I was a bad actress, guess I wasn't _that _bad or Jasper was just slightly stupid when it came to these things."I just didn't think it was the right time...that you weren't ready." He kissed me again. It was quick, his lips were gone as quickly as they were there. It sent me into a mild dazed state.

'Course the moment had to be ruined as Peter popped just his head in the door, like the shining. "Awwwwwww! Emo and Petal sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-" The vicious growl the came from Jasper chest made me giggle. Odd it didn't have the same effect on Peter, he just got the hell out of there, screaming like a girl.

I grinned at Jasper, was it wrong that I found his growl alluring? Not frightening? The old phrase "if that was wrong, I don't know what is right" ran through my thoughts. Right after a sweeter kiss from Jasper my stomach and it's morning hung made it's embarrassing self known. I didnt bother to even get dressed as I went to the kitchen, Charlotte apparently had worked extremely hard. The kicten that was completely bare, zero pans, appliances but an ample amount of dust was now completly stocked.

"I went shopping for your food in the night!" She chirped was behind me, he face in the curve of my neck, hiding in my hair. It was a little dizying and disorienting to have him there. He seemed to like it though. Charlie was grinning widely, she winked at me and left the kitchen skipping happily.

"She was awfully happy."

"Yep." I said shortly, not wanting to spill Charlie's secret of knowing all along. He may have known he liked me, but did he know I was his mate? I poured myself cereal and sat on the counter to eat it. Feet swinging happily.

"Wanna help me paint today?" I asked him.

"Of course, I have something to discuss with you though." He leaned against the wall of the kitchen directly in front of me.

"Then get to talking, I'm listening."

"Well, we wont be able to handle the army Victoria's building on our own. I'm going to have to call some of my friends, there not exactly, as civilised as Peter, Charlie or I. Most of them are nomads, I dont even know how many will truly come, if we dont have enough...God I dont want to have them around you, but we might have to make the Cullen's aware."

"I dont give a flying monkies butt if they eat people, just don't let them eat me. But I do care about the Cullens coming here, more specifically, Creeper and Pixie."

"I've always referred to him as mind-raper personally." I giggled and spilled a little milk on my shirt.

Keeping my voice steady, and clinical I began. "Did you feel violated when ever he was near?" Now Jasper was chuckling and ducking his head.

"Okay, they'll be a last resort, maybe I can just call Rose and Em. "

"That would be ok, I've missed Emmett alot. I'm sort of pissed off at Esme and Carlisle anyway. "

"As am I."

"Do you need me to be changed?" I blurted out after a moment of silence.

His eyes flashed up to mine quickly."It would help only if you'd be able to be in control, and at the moment we don't know how much time we have. You would be a weakness if we didn't have enough time. So in my opinion. No. "

I nodded to him, he told me the truth, he didn't edit. Not in the way that Edward used too, that Jacob used too, that even my father did. He told me it straight, while conveying his choice in the matter in an honest open way. It was a hell of alot easier to accept, and understand.

Our day went wonderful, we even had a mild paint war. My room turned out lovly, we left the window open so it could dry. While it was airing out we worked in Jasper's room. Arranging his shelves, his books and personal belongings were going to be brought in from the storage in Billings from which they had been sitting ever since the break up with Alice. Charlotte made me a dinner, that I had to smile ad say was good. Pour girl, I really should tell her I can cook for myself. In a nice way of course, but damn it the girl couldn't cook. Not her fault really, she was a vampire. I couldn't help but have a great time with Jasper, I fell asleep yet again in his arms.

I was completly exhasted, much to his amusement.

Chapter Eighteen

Plans for Company

Note: This Chapter is from Jasper point of view.

I had to protect Bella, every instinct in my body was urging me to be close to her, I had to be touching her . When she fell asleep I gave her a high dose of calm, and lethargy. I didn't want her to wake and panic because I wasn't there.

I had calls to make. First my closest friend, besides Peter and Charlotte. Garrett was his name, he had been in every war since his human one, the American Revolution. I didn't know it, but I had once served with him as a human. I met him again in the 20s before Alice. He was great to party with. Party in the bloody way. He had great war stories and I found myself talking with him for hours. I was always found of history, and he had seen so much of it.

I dialed the number he most recently called me from. "Jasper! How's it you bastard?" He's friendly voice answered.

"I have an issue, I need your help with friend. You up for a little violence?"

"Always." He chirped.

"Well, I met a girl.." I gave him the short edited version of what was currently happening.

I did this to my next three people I had to call, Randall a friend of Peter and Charlotte's I had met a handful of times, who denied me, but I expected as much since I hardly knew him. Alistar who was as old as dirt, I had met him even before Garrett, it was not long after I left Maria in the early 1910s. He told us of the Volturri and the laws. We had stayed in contact and I considered him my friend and mentor. He was wary of many vampires, but brave in the ways that he liked to teach the young and new to this world. He accepted my plea for help. I thanked him vigorously and gave him our location.

The last...I feared I shouldn't call. The Denali coven, there was only one female I trusted of them, I texted her personal cell phone to get out of hearing range then call me.

A few minutes later my phone was being called. I didn't bother saying hello. "Yes Jasper? It's been to long!" Kate said rather moodily into the phone.

"Kate, I know It's been much to long, but I need your help and I dont think I can trust the rest of your family to keep this a secret. Is there anyway you can get away from them and come to Montana?"

"Well you get to the point. "

"I dont have time, I'm sorry but I'll have to explain once your here."

"How do you know I'm coming?"

"Because."

She laughed. "Okay, I'll be there within two days, I'll tell them I'm off searching for a mate or something."

I laughed then. "Good, you'll be here earlier than the others."

"Others?"

"I need alot of help for this and you'll know why once your here. Trust me Kat."

"See ya Jasper." Click.

I loved Kate like a sister, she reminded me of a face that I couldn't place the name with, but I knew it was my little sister. Plus she was wickedly funny and had an amazing power. The girl was a walking taser. Can't get better than that. Plus she was a great fighter, centuries of experiance behind her. As were Alistar and Garrett. We had better chances now.I went back to my Isabella, and held her closely to me. I wouldn't let anything hurt her. Never.

My Isabella. She had so many names, Charlotte often called her kitten, while Peter called her petel for some strange reason. I didn't have a pet name for her, I had been thinking of shortening her name. Izzy, B, Bells. But Bells her father called her, Izzy Emmett had called her and her friends in Phenoix had once called her B. I thoughtfully pondered what I could call her. I grinned thinking of how often she called me cowboy. Then it hit me, and it just felt right.

"Is-a." I said softly to her hair. She mumbled unreconizably and held tighter to me.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Nineteen

Ace

When I awoke Jasper told me of who was coming. He told me their back stories and I was little worried if we'd get along. Kate, from the Denali's was my biggest fear. One reason for this was she'll be here very soon, the other is she's too close to the Cullens.

Jasper assured me she doesn't really like them, not as much as her sisters. She finds Tanya's gooy-ness for Edward disgusting so she tends to stay away. Tanya is also best friends with Alice and Rosalie. Kate hates Alice and her perky-ness.

Lastly...shes a girl. Working vampire lady parts and more than likely stunningly beautiful. I know Jasper wouldn't...but where we even boyfriend and girlfriend, to him? That doesn't even sound right to think. Boyfriend? For Jasper? It needs something more permanent.

The need to ask him was to strong, it made me act rashly. I lept up from drawing at my desk, running to Jasper's room which was the one closest to mine. I peeked my head into the door. Jasper's things that were in storage, had been brought down by a helpful Peter. I was shocked by the site. The bookshelves we had recently arranged, made the walls near invisible, his desk was in the back of the room covered in drawing tools and a desktop computer.

The entire color scheme was natural woods, and the walls where a creamy beige that was almost light brown. It was peaking from under the in bookshelves that were lined with books, and the posters. _AC/DC, Guns'n'Roses, Johnny Cash, Posion, Rolling Stones_, and several other playbills. Original playbills!

"Flies will get in ya know."

"Huh?"

"Your mouth, you should close it."

"Oh! Sorry it's just are those originals?" I said as I walked into his room fully.

"Yes, most of them were seen with Peter and Charlie when I saw them that is, we always had good times. Alice only met them once, she said she never wanted to see them again. Charlotte was very...volitile to her. Made it worse when I couldn't stop laughing."

I giggled. "I wish I could have seen at least one of them."

"I wish you could have too. We would of had such a blast. Hey do you wanna get out of here today? Um...Peter and Charlotte keep being..." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at me.

"Eww."

"Yeah, imagine feeling it annnnd hearing it."

"Ewwwww."

"Exactly. Come on, we can explore Billings some more. Take you out to eat maybe. If you want." He smiled at me.

"Like a date?" I asked suddenly remembering my purpose for intruding his room.

"Yeah." He looked desperately nervous, head down, hands shoved into his pockets.

"I'd like that."

"Yeah?"

"I hope that isn't your only word today." He chuckled. I skipped from his room and into mine to get better dressed. By better dressed I meant not ratty sweats.

Nice dark jeans, blank tank that had a lace back and a grey and black flannel I stolen from Jasper. I wore my favorite black lace up boots thats had only slight heel. I skipped a coat. Montana was chilly, but not as cold as Forks could get. It was spring after all.

"Ready?" Jasper asked from behind the door, his voice muffled.

I opened it and walked out."Born ready."

We took Peter's truck much to his dismay, but that earned a loud whack to the back on his from Charlotte. We walked around the more close together areas and found a diner that looked okay to eat at. We sat in that back I ordered a burger and fries while Jasper said his stomach hurt to the flirty waitress.

I grinned once she was gone."Don't think they have any O neg?"

"Naw, they might have that but I prefer AB positive." My blood type. He grinned wickedly at me.

We chatted lightly about maybe him having the waitress for lunch or seeing if they have in live chickens until my food came. Which I had promptly gained the courage for a perfectly timed-"Am I your girlfriend?" I blurted it out without really thinking.

She left my plate and hurried off.

"Do you want to be?"

"Do you want me to be?

"Yes, very much so. I can't really explain it either, it's just...there now. Ever sense you kissed me...You've been my best friend since the moment I came back, but I never wanted to ruin that."

"We can't ruin that. It wont happen, I promise. I'll always be here for you cowboy." He chuckled shaking his head, eyes alight with amusement.

Our moment of seriousness was over and we were back into our strange dark humour and easy flow of conversation. After my late lunch we went out to see a movie. The movie proved to be terrible but it was incredibly fun to make fun of it. Although we did get yelled at by a person because apparently they thought it was actually good.

It was night when we were driving home, I pushed up the center front seat that could be used as an arm rest, which was to my shock very cool and moved closer to Jasper. My head was on his shoulder. Everything was perfect, until.

Jasper hit the brakes hard.

I was in complete panic mode. "Whats wrong? Is there something out there? " He got out of the truck slowly.

"Don't get out of the car! Thats what the person in the damn movie did and he got killed!"

"Vampire Bella. And it ain't nothing dangerous. Come here." He hooked a finger in a come hither way and slid out the driver's side. In the middle of the road was a dog. A scrawny young dog.

"Ohhh." I came closer to it and it looked scarred, backing away slightly. I got on my knees and beckoned for it to come closer.

"Careful Bella, it may try to nip you."

"Oh please it's a baby, come here sweetie." I whistled and called it sweet things. It slowly etched closer, Jasper got down by me.

"Come here boy, it's ok." I could feel he was calm but I didn't think he was using his gift.

"Your not using you gift?" I whispered.

"Knowing you, you'll want it, but I dont want it if it fears me." He said just low enough for me to hear.

I reached my hand out slowly. The dog sniffed my hand then poked it with his nose. It got really close then and began licking my face. "Awwww." I petted his ears and rubbed his body, which desperately needed food. I felt his ribs, and it gave me a creeped out feeling.

Jasper gently petted his ears only once and the dog switched from attacking my face to his.

"Well aren't you a good little boy?" He was chuckling and petting it lovingly. It was the sweetest damn thing I had ever seen.

"We should go back to Billings and take him to the vet, we're not far. He needs food anyway."

"Good idea. Peter is gonna take my arm off for letting him in the truck."

"He can deal with me." I said with venom in my voice. Jasper grinned. After our trip to the vet we came back with one hundred dollars less and a doggy that we have yet to name. The vet gave us flea stuff and gave the dog his shots which he didn't like that much at all. We bought the food there as well so we didnt have to go anywhere else tonight.

When we got home we took him straight to the bathroom, he reeked and was muddy. We were completely soaked after that adventure. We both were sitting across from each other the dog between us shaking it's coat dry. Both laughing and hiding our faces from the shower that we were recieving. He had kept leaping out of the tub, clearly not liking the water.

"He needs a name." I said.

Jasper began drying him with the towel. That's when we both noticed the little black shape on his chest. He was a beautiful German Shepard, not full though, maybe part rotweiler, he needed alot of weight, he was also only around 7-8 months.

At the same time we said "Ace." That little shape was of that you'd see on a deck of cards. Perfectly formed and standing out on his chest now that he was clean. He had a name then. We grinned at each other, Peter choose this moment to burst in the door.

"Why does it smell like-" He cut off as Ace starting barking and growling at him.

"No! Ace!" I grabbed for him.

"Down." Jasper commanded and he cooled his engines instantly, sat down and stared at Peter. "Good boyyy!" He loved him up and rubbing his back with the towel some more."Smart boy.." I could see the wheels turning in his head of how much he could teach him.

I grinned hugely.

"Ok..did I really just get scarred by a little mutt?"

"Don't call him that!" I hated when people called mixed dogs that.

Charlie was in the door. "You got a dog?" Her small hands were on her curvy hips and her eyebrows were threatening to join her hair line.

"He was in the middle of the road on our way back."

"He's staying. And Peter?" Jasper said calmly. Too calmly.

"Yes bro?"

"Don't call him a mutt ever again. His name is Ace." His voice was just slightly lethal.

"For the love of all that's holly! You guys are together for 2 days and already have a kid. Bro's before hoe's. Bro's before hoe's." He sad sadly, turned, flipped his hair back and strutted off like a model. My eyes went huge as Peter disappeared and Charlotte giggled off.

"Are you sure he ain't just slightly-"

"Batting for the other team?"Jasper interupted.

"Yeah."

"He thinks he's adorable, and unlike most, but that I mean everyother guy, prides himself in it. I told you he was crazy, I didn't lie."

"THATS NOT WHAT YOU SAID LAST NIGHT!" Peter's voice bellowed for my benifit. My eyebrow slowly rose in question of Jasper. He splashed me with a waterfall of soapy dirty water and the battle was on again.

That night after he wolfed down two bowls of dog food, Ace slept between Jasper and I on the bed. He snored. It was adorable.

Jasper was my boyfriend...we had a dog..I felt like Jasper was close to realizing what we were. Maybe..maybe I could ask Peter to talk to him. Peter was silly, and nothing but a ball of laughs, but he was a good guy, and deep down under the scars, sarcasm and perfectly toned body. Peter was a sweet heart and I needed help. Maybe he could make Jasper question a few things. He just wasn't putting the pieces together.

Chapter Twenty

Embarrassment

When I awoke the next morning Jasper was on the floor with Ace. I grinned down at them.

"Good Mornin' Isa." He flashed up and kissed me roughly but some how still sweet. I pulled up closer to me, and he let me, not like I could pull him down by myself. Then I suddenly realised I just woke up. I let out a small scream.

Jasper moved off me alarmed as I ran to the bathroom. "Morning breath!"

His chuckles echoed through the house.I decided to just go ahead and take a shower, attempting to wash away all the embarrassment. As I lathered my hair in grape smelling shampoo a horrible thought popped into my head. I had no clothes. I hadn't brought any with me on my little run to the bathroom.

After I finished up I wrapped the huge white fluffy towel around me. Well atleast it was large, my room was closest to the bathroom as well. I fast walked to my room, closed my door a leaned against. Safe. I opened my closed eyes to see Jasper staring at me still on the floor. Mouth hanging open. His eyes were dark, not just dark pitch-black. He got up slowly , and in a predator to prey way walked to me. Stiff backed, his eyes never leaving mine.

I shivered, the warmth of the shower had my skin hot, the cool air of my room effecting me. May of been an effect of his peircing black eyes as well. He leaned forward, his hand moved behind me, opening the door making me stumble slightly since my full weight was resting against it. And he was gone, completly disappeared. The closed loudly behind him since I was still supporting myself against it. I slid down the door and tried to calm my self.

I thought for a second, that things were going to get a hell of a lot more serious. Not that I would mind, but Edward always told me it was dangerous to be...intimate... with a human. Intercourse was off the table with Edward. I snickered. Intercourse. He actually called it that. I being my very much virgin self was thankful now, that I hadn't given it to him. That he didn't allow it.

I want to be with Jasper, but not now. I'm not ready. Everything moved so fast, in a span of a little over four weeks my entire life has changed. I have yet to call my Dad during this. My truck has disappeared though, I had a feeling they just didnt want to tell me yet and thought I knew. We had talked about it once, I told them my idea in a detached voice and they were surportive and kind.

Ace started licking my face then. "Hey boy." I scratched his ears and got up to get dressed.

While getting dressed I thought about our new house guest that would be showing up sometime today. I zipped up my dark green fleece sweater, and called Ace to go outside with me, bringing the tennis ball Jasper gave him.

The back had a small porch that had steps to lead out into the back yard. I sat down there and taunted Ace with the ball before throwing it the best I could. He took off like a bullet. He really was a fast learner. He listened to anything Jasper told him, all I was kisses and tackles.

He brought back the ball faithfully but he had a little issue letting go. "Let go Ace." Drop. The ball plopped from his mouth. Wow. Does he listen to anything you tell him? I never had a dog before. Mom was allergic.

I contained to throw the ball for him, I wasn't hungry this morning I was to busy worrying about things. From Jasper and I to the impending sense of doom. It all came down to one method that would help for everything. Turn me. I wanted to be a vampire, I wanted the speed, I wanted to strength, I wanted to live forever, I wanted to truly be a part of the Whitlocks, I wanted to protect Jasper. I wanted to make sure he would be okay in this upcoming battle.

Screw being older, that was just a cop out for me being a chicken. I feared the bloodlust, I feared not being able to have control over myself. I could do it. I know I could. I had to. I ran with vampires, bout time I became one.

I sensed Jasper and Peter walking out of the tree line then. I looked at them to confirm then looked away quickly and played with Ace once again.

I was embarrassed for showing my emotions so much to him. I hadn't exactly had hidden my feelings for him in that moment. He clearly couldn't be with me like that. That's why he left.

_Or maybe he didn't want you that way._

No! He wanted me..his eyes. It was hunger..I felt it from him, he tried to hide it, but it was there. I didn't know why I could feel what he was feeling. Maybe I should mention it.

"Hello." Jaspers deep voice said. I felt him more that saw him sit besides me. My shaggy hair was in my face, my bangs had gotten long. My hair always grew so fast. I liked it like this. Just to the shoulders and straight, glossy black that was choppy in lengths. Except it wasn't straight today. Was to worried to care. I sighed and wondered if he was going to say anything else.

Chapter Twenty One

Finnally

Note: Jasper's point of view, picks up from when he ran from the room.

I ran from the house, I kept running, I didn't stop until Peter tackled me in the deep mountain woods of Montana. I was going to do something that wasn't proper. Not be with her for the first time, sweet and full of love, possibly after marriage like I wanted out first time to be. At that moment, my monster threatened to make it's self known to her. This uncontrollable need to claim her ran through my frozen veins like wild fire. Except it didn't hurt like the fire of burning, it ached. I ached to have her close to me. That close to me.

"Cool your engines man! " Peter said breathlessly, like he really got tired.

"I had to get out there! She was- and I- I wasn't going to stop!" I was at a loss for words to explain my actions.

"But you did."

"To close Peter, she isn't ready for that. I could have really hurt her. "

"You can't hurt Petal. You never will bro." He clasped a hand on my shoulder. "It's strong aint it? That feeling to claim her. Ah I remember with Charlotte it was horrible, and we had to keep it quite. I didn't want anyone else but her, I couldn't let anyone go near her. You know what I was like. You know what it's like."

"Your mates with Charlotte, though."

"I'm mates with Charlotte." He gave me the are you retarded look. I frowned. What was he saying? Criptic bastard.

He did a face palm and dramatically fell to the forest floor. "What is wrong with you?" I asked, completly puzzeled.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Your so emo and all that but you can't realise your own emotions. It's messed up bro. Alice and Maria sure messed with your head. I thought you were better, that me and Char helped a little, but we haven't, have we? Bro if I have to spell it out I will, but I wanted you to figure it out on your own."

My own emotions?

_Mates with Charlotte._

_That feeling to claim her._

P_rotective._

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT HOLLY!" My hands went to my hair that was now getting maybe a little too long."I'm an idiot aren't i?"

"Yes, yes you are. "

"Does she know? She can't know. How would she."

"She knows. "

"WHAaaaat?

"Charlotte. They talk, but as far as Char told me Bella was already havin feels' bout ya. Took it way to calmly. "

"Why hasn't she said anything to me?" Why? Why wouldn't she tell me.

"She wanted you to love her for her. Not because she's your mate. She didn't tell Char that, but I just know." I thought that over trying to remain calm.

"You know, you and her should start paying me and Char for your therapy sessions."

"Piss off bro."

I got up and he followed me. "I'll tell her tonight, after Kate and her are introduced."

"OH! Char told me thats shes a little worried about Kate."

"Charlotte has no reason to be-"

"Not Charlotte, Petal, shes worried about her being here."

"Why? I told her she wont hurt her."

"Single female bro. "

I stopped dead in my tracks. "Shes worried about me leaving her for someone esle?"

"And that you dont wanna get jiggy with it. Not told, but one of those just knows, she was going to talk with me, but she didn't need too." I was silent the rest of the way home.

I walked up to her she was seemingly on the outside content, but on the inside it was like she came to some revaluation.

"Hello." I said simply and sat beside her. I admired her, for the first time since finally knowing she was my mate. This girl I had stared at from across the room for a year. Wondering why she dosen't fear me and why she stares back at times. The girl that instantly became my best friend and sole person I could confide in.

God she was beautiful. The true essence of woman. Strong, fierce and fiery. Her black hair that was getting longer, they shade looked great on her. It was messy curls at the moment. Her ivory face was clear of any imperfections and had no makeup at this time. So perfect.

I moved my hand to her hair moving it from her face, she turned her cheek into my palm. I stared at her lips and projected what I was feeling at her. She gasped slightly, I took that moment to kiss her, and to kiss her fully. She tasted so divine. I didn't thirst for her blood anymore. Not after tasting her kiss. Just at this moment of course I heard Kate approaching. I released her mouth and kissed her lightly once more.

"I hear Kate." I grabbed her hand and held it gently.

"Ace!" She called, he came bounding forward. "Go to our room and stay." He looked at me as if to ask should I?

"Go on boy." He jogged his way into the house and I followed his footsteps with my ears until I heard him make it to our room, and jump on the bed. Our room?

"Our room?" I asked grinning ear to ear. She blushed crimson and smiled at me.

"So this is what you wouldn't tell me?" Kate said suddenly ten feet from us. Damn I could loose track of time staring at her.

"Yes, I couldn't have the Cullens know she was here. " She looked confused. And then to my shock, Bella started telling her story. I chimed in when needed but patiently waited until she was finished before I told her of the newborns that were now after her. Once we were completely finished Kate looked thoughtful.

"Why would they leave you? I can't understand why they'd leave you." She sat down on the ground cross legged. "I'm Katrina, or Kate by the way."

"I wasn't Edward's. " She glanced at me, then quickly looked back to Kate."Isabella, or Bella."

"He couldn't read your mind?"

"She can block me too. And I have this feelin' Alice can't see'er anymore." Bella looked a little shocked at the last part. "Alice is a bitch sometimes, but she would have seen Laurent. She still loves _you._"

Kate held out her hand for Bella. No. No. A growl erupted from my chest before I could stop it. "I'll put it on low Jasper!"

"Taiser right?" Isabella said with a grin. She held out her hand without a trace of fear. Kate grasped it and nothing happened. Nothing at all.

"Hmmm..."She looked thoughtful and something was brewing in her head."You said she can protect herself but what about others?" She let go of her hand and grabbed my arm.

I groaned in the bad way and attempted to remain still, but my body betrayed me as the waves of the current of electricity shook my body.

"STOPPPPPPPP!" Bella screamed a blood curdling scream and grabbed my other arm. The pain ended instantly. Kate hadn't stopped, she still had that look, and I could feel a tickle. Bella was completely focused and staring at Kates hand. Her eyes had a far away look it reminded me of the look Alice had during a vision.

She was shielding me as well. Kate let go and smiled largely. "You did it." I said in complete shock. "You did it." Pride full in my voice this time. I kissed her then and she kissed me back giggling.

"I HAVE A SUPER POWER!" She jumped up and danced up to the porch where Peter and Char was.

"What could we call you?" Peter said thoughtfully.

"Hmm..."She tapped her chin with her finger. I took her outfit in then. New purchase. Bright light blue pants and a black shirt under her green sweater. " All I know is, I want a cape."

Peter chuckled and Charlie giggled.

"OH! By the way, we have a dog, dont eat him." Bella said before she called out, "ACE!"

His clumsy awkward puppy legs ran through the house and tackled Bella to the floor of the porch where she hugged him nearly to death. All he did was lick her and wag his tale violently. The dogs love for her was strong. The thing even loved me. It didn't care for Peter and Charlotte much. They didn't like him. He knew that.

"Eww. Jasper you've changed."

"Naw, he's showing you the real him." Bella said through giggles.

"Don't know how you could let that damn beast do that, but hey you did just kiss Jasper, thats pretty foul. " Bella glared at Peter and as if she could really do anything he actually got afraid.

"Your really afraid?" I said between my laughter.

"Man! The tiny thing is going to get a bic!" Peters senses must of been letting him in on Bella's plans.

Bella's evil grin confirmed and sent all of us into howling laughter.

That began a very good evening, Bella and Kate got to know eachother more. They liked eachother. Looked like we had three girls now. I would have loved if Kate stayed permanently, but I didn't know if she would leave her sisters.

Later that night we were back in our room. I decided I was going to turn my room into a study, I'd move her books to the study and move my cloths here.

But now I needed to tell her what I had learned today. At the moment she was at her desk, Ace at her feet, while she drew. I moved behind her and kissed the back of her neck. "You've been hiding something from me."

"You know dont you? When you walked up today...I felt what you sent me and how you were feeling."

"We're mates." I stated and looked into her eyes in awe of her. Still surprising me. Sometimes I thought she'd have a gift like Peters, but with todays experiment she was definatly a shield. She just observed and learned.

She smiled so widely, her emotions were a heavenly mix of joy, love, contentment and relief. She'd been waiting for me to learn this. I kept her waiting and for that I was deeply sorry. Suddenly her lips were on mine and I got lost in her. We got carried away on the bed for a bit, but didn't cross that line. I tried to make her know she was wanted, I was to chicken to bring that conversation up tonight. I to, was embarrassed from earlier.

Chapter Twenty Four

Turning Point

More people would be arriving today, I wondered if they'd go just as good as Kate did. I was now eating breakfast, on the porch, watching Jasper play with Ace. Well more train him. That dog was the smartest little thing. I guess he had to be, he hung out with vampires and a silly human. He had to learn quick. I think it was fate that brought us to him. He fit in great, even Peter had forgave him for "reeking up his baby". He was trying, Ace wasnt. He liked Jasper and I. Not so much anyone else. He was scared of them, so that made him defensive.

Garrett would be arriving today. He knew Jasper from when he was human. I wish I had. I wish I could see a sun kissed, sweaty human Jasper working in the field... Maybe my day dreams of him as a cowboy were getting a little carried away. More to the point, a human Jasper that I could have a human life with. Growing old together. Children.

I smiled as I thought of my belly growing with his child. What they would look like. I would want a boy, that looked just like him. I wondered then what Jaspers human eye color was. I'd have to ask him, because that's the closest I'd get to having anything human about him. I was sad slightly that I couldn't have a child, but my life with Jasper as a vampire would be worth it. Besides, we had Ace. We could get other dogs, too. Ace's loud growls and barking brought me out of la la land. He was staring into the forest.

"Ace, get in your room." Jasper sad calmly. Ace obeyed with a wine, a desperate look, and hand lick before running inside. I stood and Jasper was at my side in an instant, taking his hand in mine.

"Garrett." He stated. He came out of the tree line, a swagger in his confident walk. Running a hand through his shaggy dark brown hair, he had a shaggy beard that matched. Chains on his dark jeans, long black duster jacket and what looked like an army bag swung over his shoulder. He was ruggedly handsome. Complete bad boy. I was beginning to think all the people that hung around Jasper were badasses.

Because this dude sure looked it. Everyone was around us now, I took a moment to observe their attire. Peter dressed similarly to Jasper, dark clothes that were always dirty. Charlotte wore pretty pin-up girl like clothes, mostly black and red. She liked her hair like that aswell, the girl was all about the fifties. Kate was dressed darkly, expensive and sexy. She liked to wear fur, too, maybe a weakness from her Russian back of the clothing was a striking contrast with their skin, but it looked good on them. It fit there personality.

While I was wearing black shorts over the stripped black and grey tights that were Charlie's, and a baggy AC/DC shirt. Nothing the Cullens would ever wear, not pretty pastel colors that looked like they walked off the runway in Paris. Just a note to how different Jasper and I truly were from the Cullens.

He was in front of us now, he being the badass Garret. "Jasper!" The men grasped hands and smiled at each other. "It's been to long, friend."

"Yes, yes it has. Garrett let me introduce you to my mate, Isabella." He looked down at me then, grinning. I turned scarlet. It was the very first time he had said that infront of people, let alone introduced me like that.

"Mate? My, my, my." With a sweep of his coat and arm he bowed to me. "It's a pleasure meeting the mate of the Major, the god of war. " He held out his hand and I felt silly but I put my hand in his.

His cold lips kissed it. I giggled slightly, curling into Jasper side. He was charming. The low, so low I almost didn't notice, growl, warned him. He lifted his hands in surrender. "All yours my friend. " He nodded appecaticely."You did well. Beautiful girl Jasper, she suits you well."

"Thank you Garrett, you know Peter and Charlotte, but this is Kate. She's a part of the Denali coven."

"Ah. Yes I've heard of you. They say you can put a vampire flat on his back." He grinned at her.

"Anyone who touches me goes down like a human being tasered. For as long as I like." She said cockily.

"Try me?' His eyebrows rose in challenge.

Her eyes went a little wide. Garrett took off his jacket and put in on the railing of the porch, and bounced off of it, landing in the yard.

She followed him, her heels of her boots clicking on the wood. She was calm as she almost seductively walked around him. He had a huge grin on his face, that lit up his eyes with mischief. She moved closer to him and grabbed his for arms and pulled her to him roughly. Bolts of lightning seemed to shoot from her fingers, he didn't scream, he winced and stared into her eyes, before they traveled to her lips.

_Oh. _ My eyes looked away instantly. Charlotte grabbed my arm and began to giggle which of course I had to join becuase of it's infectiousness.

"Well, looks like they're gonna get along well." Peter said crossing his arms.

It was the evening before our next guest was due to arrive. Garrett was extremely witty. He loved to tell me stories, I loved to listen, Jasper loved to distract me by laying his head over my heart or kissing my shoulder or back of my neck. Ace lay at my feet while we sat on the couch, by we I mean Jasper and I. Peter and Char sat in the big chair. Charlotte was in his lap. Kate sat on the love seat with Garrett listening raptly to his tales. They would be a perfect couple.

"Alistar is coming in 5-10 minutes y'all." Peter said.

"Alistar? Really? That creeper? I mean he's all wisodomly and all but he's creepy. Isn't he as old as dirt its self?" Garrett chimed in.

"I am over two hundred years older than him, boy." Kate said a hint of menace in her voice.

Oooops.

His eyes went large. "It brings me sorrow that my words were so foolish, my queen." He said in a mocking, silly tone.

She kicked with an expensivly clad leather booted foot, staight off of the love seat. _Awww._ Violence is love! At least that's what I'm learning from Petey and Garrett's appearance, Alistar knocked on the front door. We all got up, I told Ace to go to our room, and Jasper moved me slightly behind him.

Alistar had pale gold blonde hair, long and it fell in his face, like Garrett he had facial hair. Sort of like Jasper as well. Jasper had adapted a trimed jaw line, gotee and slight mustache that was just perfect. Alistar's was a little longer and messier.

"Alistar, welcome and thank you for helping me protect my mate." Jasper greeted. Alistar wore leather pants, a heavy jacket and leather satchel. Nomad wear apparently.

"Your mate? " He peered behind Jasper, I moved from behind him to in front of him and offered my hand. I wasnt afraid, he needn't protect me in such a caveman way. A slow smile appeared on Alistar's face for my act of courage.

He shook it softly and did a small bow as he took in my appearance, eyes traveling up and down me. "Lovely." He said to Jasper.

"I'm Isabella, you can call me Bella if you wish."

"It's wonderful gracing you presence Isabella, human mate of Jasper. Tell me Jasper, when do you plan on turning her." I looked at Jasper then, straight to business.

"Whenever she chooses." Jasper said shortly. This was my moment to speak up.

"I've meant to talk to you about that." I said. "Peter, do you have any idea when Victoria is coming?"

"From my feelings, she realised you're in the company of Jasper. She's going to make more, at the moment she only has five. I would estimate at the least a month and a half. Max if she's smart at all three to four. " A month in a half...

"Would that be enough time?" I was saying all of this staring straight into his eyes, although my questions were directed to Peter.

"If my feelings are correct, you'll be very different from normal newborns."

"Meaning?" Jasper said.

"Meaning she's gonna be different. I dont know anything else."

Alistar was leaning against the wall. "She has extensive earlier knowledge. That will make a huge difference."

"And with the guidance fo the Major and company she should have no issue being ready."

"Are you sure?" Jasper said softly.

"I wouldn't have mentioned it if I wasn't Jasper."

"I know, "His hand cupped my cheek."I dont know if I'll be able to turn you."

"You can." Peter said."You will, so don't say anything else about it, because dude, you'd murder anyone who tried to bite her."

Jasper grinned that sinful grin."True."

"We'll all leave tonight, we can show you the hunting areas if you want Alistar."

"Tonight?" I asked.

"Why wait if you want it?" Jasper asked, crossing his arms.

"I thought it'd be harder to convince is all." I was shocked, but ready. As ready as I'd ever be.

"I'm not mind-raper Isa."

"Isa?" I said confused.

"You said I could call you anything, I decided I wanted a name for you. Got a problem with it?" He said tapping his foot slightly.

I giggled and shook my head no, thinking back to our first letters of contact.

"Ohkaaay we're leaving. " Charlotte said as she grabbed Peter's hand.

They all flashed out of the house in vampire speed. Nothing by white flashes in my vision. I suddenly got nervous as I walked into our room, Jasper kicked the dog out into the living room. I sat on the bed my feet hanging off of it. My heard was beating loudly in my ears. I closed my eyes and listened. Taking in the last moments of my human heart. The one that had betrayed me, guided me, and gave me life.

Jasper kneeled in front of me, taking my hands in his. I opened my eyes. "Anything you wanted to do as a human? We got booze if you want to get drunk, I can get drugs if you want to try that, hmmm..." He trailed off tapped his chin. I giggled.

"Got drunk at thirteen with a friend from Phoenix. Smoked pot with Jacob, once."

He gasped."Isabella." He clucked his tongue."Bad, bad girl."

"Ha. Not that bad." I leaned back on the bed with a huff. "I'm going to die being a..." I trailed off way to embarrassed to contuine this line of conversation.

"Is-aa." He spoke softly.

"I haven't exactly been with anyone... romantically."

"You're a virgin?" I got on my elbows to see his reaction.

Disbelief colored his handsome features.

"There was no one before Edward, and he was a prude. No one after either, not that Jacob didn't try. "

"I...you've... done..." He couldn't seem to find his words.

"The farthest I've gone is with you." I said shyly, leaning back down.

Jasper crawled onto the bed above me then. He kissed the hollow of my throat, softly.

"Isabella, my Isa, my mate, may I have the honor?"

"You can be with me? While I'm a human? You'd be willing-" I was speaking fast, my thoughts blending together as I thought of what he was asking me.

"Of course darlin', if I can touch you,"He traced a finger over my jaw line,"I can kiss you, " He kissed above my pulse point. "I can.. be with you. As a... well you must promise me one thing first. My breathing was getting heavier. I was calm, I wasn't nervous. I wanted this. He wanted this. He actually wanted me. It was a notion I wasn't used too.

"What is it?"

"Marry me. One day, not now of course. But promise me you'll marry me." I never liked the idea of marriage. Having my mother and father's end so quickly made me have zero faith in it. That it wasn't needed, but I wouldn't help but like the idea of being called Mrs. Whitlock.

"Yes..." He smiled a crinkly smile, that perfect smile that made his entire face light up with happiness. The smile I had craved to make appear on that face since the very first day I saw him.

"If I hurt you-"

"Don't be afraid," I murmured, "we belong together."

I was abruptly overwhelmed by the truth of my own words. This moment was so perfect, so right, there was no way to doubt it. His arms wrapped around me, holding me against him, summer and winter. It felt like every nerve ending in my body was alive wire.

Loving hands caressed my body in a way they never did, without restrictions, without worry of crossing am invisable line. I couldn't have thought this moment would of be any more perfect.

We layed side by side. "I want this to be the last thing I remember."

"I love you, my Isa, my life." He whispered it softly into the base of me throat, right before his razor like teeth cut into the soft skin there.

Just like that they were gone. The burning didn't start right away, it started by the time he was biting my wrists, my ankles, my thighs.

It ran through my veins like a wildfire in a wheat feild of a dry summer. Much different from the fire from earlier. I screamed a sharp high pitch scream.

"I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry baby." Jasper repeated over and over.

I ground my teeth together, I willed my joints to lock in place.

I would not scream.

I would not move.

It would hurt him.

And that was my mantra.

Chapter Twenty Five

ReBirth

While I burned I blocked myself off from Jasper completely. I zoned into my own little world. I thought of my human family, my human friends.

Charlie holding my hand making sure I didn't fall.

Renee attempting to make dinner and spilling tomato sauce all over her self and the floor.

Fishing on the lake with a tiny Jake, a walking Billy, the twins, Sarah still alive and my father's laughter.

The time my mother wanted to try kick boxing and got thrown across the room while I took the instructor down.

My mother's laugh lines and red hair.

My fathers silence, love, and gentle care.

The fire burned hotter then, making my thoughts twist sharply.

_Oh god make it stop, please take the pain away. I can't do this. It hurts to bad! Pleassse! Someone just end it!_

I recollected my self and pushed the nasty thoughts away.

Seeing the beautiful ones across a large white room.

Emmett and video games.

Carlisle and books.

Esme and flowers.

Jasper.

The pain increased in my chest. It felt as if lava was being poored onto me.

Jasper and silent stares across a pale schemed room.

"I can feel what your feeling now - and you are worth it."

"Our only fear is losing you."

"I was born Jasper Monroe Whitlock in 1842, in a little town outside of Houston, Texas. I had three sisters and a younger brother. I dont remember their names anymore. My father owned a plantation, he earned it not inherited. We had slaves but they were paid well and we didnt have many. I still thought it was the right thing to do in joining the war. I was young when I joined. My mama didn't want me too. She begged me not too. My father was proud of me though..."

My thoughts consisted of Jasper from that point on.

Making sure I had each one of my memories of him.

"I love you, my Isa, my life."

Slowly, I started to recognize my surroundings throught the licks of fire.

I heard voices. I heard some saying it would be over soon.

Peter. That was Peter.

_Oh jesus was I dressed? _

Stabbing pain, fire licked violently in my head then, I almost gave up on my vow of silence and screamed. It chanced my panicked thought away instantly.

"She's not letting me feel her, I can't take any of it away."

Jasper. My inner voice purred the name.

I listened over the pain.

"Talented."

Slightly familar. Pale blonde hair and leather.

I took a chance then, I smelled the air. Everything was intense, levels of scent, so powerfully so many. It was over whelming.

Dark, spicy, strong, musky.

Whiskey, tobacco, molasses.

My Jasper.

I focused on his scent so I would be calm, so I wouldn't panic.

Someone was touching my face.

Cool cloth, wet.

"It's almost over my sweet sister."

Charlie...

I loved her. My sister, my bestfriend.

"Yes Petal, very soon the fire will stop."

Peter, my brother in-law, my big brother.

"Can she hear us?"

Female...

"Kate or Katrina." The same female voice whispered in my mind, the voice accompanied by a sassy smile.

"Yes." Peter said.

"Look at her, immortality suits her."

Silly bow, a cold kiss to the hand, war stories.

Garrett.

"She was always beautiful." Jasper said defensivly.

It suits me?

I wonder what I look like...

I'd have red eyes at first, they had warned me.

I was frightened to look at myself.

"We'll have to show her!" Kate said happily.

"She won't want that, she needs to hunt anyway." Charlotte said.

"Why did you dress her like that Charlotte?"

"_What_? Shes going to be hunting, she'll ruin any cloths I put her in, she'd like this. I believe I know her just a little bit." Her voice was scary, defensive and protective.

I giggled on the inside and tried to smile outwardly, hoping it didn't look like a grimace.

I heard Jasper chuckle.

"She can hear." A hand was on my cheek. "Why wont you let me in darlin? I could make it go away a little."

I frowned.

He'd feel the pain.

He's already felt it, I could handle it on my own.

"Her hearts about to-"

I let loose a banshee shriek then, my back coming from the bed and arching at an awkward angle. My hands clawed on the bed below me. I faintly hear a ripping sound.

My heart was pounding in my ears, the fire had slowly receded from my limbs and gathered there.

With each beat the fire got worse and worse.

Jasper was trying to calm me but I couldn't stop.

The pain was too intense, violent.

Then it stopped, just as soon as it had increased, it ceased.

"Oh.." I trailed off and sunk back into the bed.

The beating was gone, my heart silent in my chest.

It was over.

I took a moment before I opened my eyes to just not feel pain.

"Open those eyes for me Isa."

My eye lids flashed open, the first thing I saw was Jasper.

My hand found way to his face, my fingers trailed down his jaw that was lined with dark hair.

He wasn't cold anymore. He was more stunning that I remembered.

I sighed. It felt unnatural, and stange. I didn't need to breathe anymore.

This fallen angel's face smiled a stunning smile. I stared at the sight.

Lips..

Suddenly mine was on his.

_Oh..._

He really was holding back, my lips no longer gave way and molded to his. They held there own.

"Save it for later. Jesus, I don't need that peep-show in my memory." I broke away from him embarrassed then. Jasper chuckled.

I looked towards them, my family. But suddenly they weren't.

Scars.

Large.

To many.

Dangerous.

My body flew across the room and hit the wall cracking it slightly.

A snarl escaped my lips and I alarmed myself.

I tried to calm myself but my breathing was rapid, I couldn't stop growling.

I looked at Jasper, he was still on the bed staring.

To far away.

To close to danger!

He isn't safe.

Just like that my body flew in front of his and sunk down into a crouch.

"Isa, calm darlin' they aint a danger to you, or myself."

I knew this, my rational mind knew this.

But my predator fight or flight instinct had kicked in.

My rational side was at a war with the monster within.

I looked at them then, closer, past the scars.

Blonde, bouncy hair, red eyes, sister.

Pale blonde, long hair, kind eyes. Peter.

With each face I recognized I slowly rose from my crouch.

Pale silvery hair, yellow eyes. Kate.

Wicked smile, dark hair and scruffy face. Garrett.

Dirty blonde, leather, extremely pale. Alistar.

My growls had completely stopped, I was standing normal.

"I need to get out of here Jasper." For a moment I was alarmed by my voice. It sounded like deep bells from church, low but feminine.

Every thing in my body was telling me to attack.

Not run.

Attack.

"Of course." I heard something open.

His hand found mine, he pulled gently, I bolted, I didn't even look but I registered that it was my window I jumped through.

We ran hand and hand until he let got and went faster than me chuckling. I pushed my self faster, harder, and I went flying forward past him. I laughed. I genuinely laughed. It felt wonderful.

I could see everything, I couldn't trip. The cloths Charlie put me in I appreciated. Sports bra and yoga pants, the material itched slightly. Unnatural against my sensitive skin. I was grateful that it wasn't alot, or fancy. I felt free still. Free and happy. More happy than I had ever felt. I came to a lake, I stopped and waited. Jasper was far behind me. I looked at myself in the reflection of the clear water.

My hair was longer slightly. Just past my shoulders, it was dark, but the dye was gone. My cheekbones were more pronounced, I was less girl and more woman. My entire frame was more prounouced, I had curves that once were slight but now were completly stomach was toned, my arms were wiry female muscle, I felt powerful. I wasn't soft and slim like before, I had filled out. Every nerve ending in my body felt alive and ready for anything. Like a live wire.

I noticed then the burn in my throat. It wasnt as strong as I thought it would be. Strange.

Jasper was there now, walking towards me. "You left me in the dust. We'll see if you can do that once your newborn strength has wore off. Isa, aren't you hungry?"

"It's not like I thought."My hand was on my throat."It's as if I could ignore it I wanted...Is that normal? I don't feel normal. I can't believe I almost attacked them."

"That, the attacking, is completely normal. Your thirst on the other hand isn't..."He trailed off. "Close your eyes."

I obeyed.

"Listen, smell, focus. Find a heart beat."

I did as I was told, I heard something, wet pumping. I sniffed the air, experimenting, something spicy and harsh.

My body was flying through the forest, I saw the moose, I was stalking it, about to pounce when I smelt something much better.

Sweet, tangy delicious smelling.

I switched directions rapidly I neared it, my fear kicked it that possibly it was a human, it wasn't.

It was a large but small cat. Lynx. My human memory remembers. It snarled at me and I took it down. The hot blood cooled the fire in my throat and made me moan. I sensed Jasper behind me. I turned around throwing the carcass away from me, suddenly disgusted by it. Jasper was leaning against a tree staring at me. Eyes midnight, wicked evil grin on his face.

My new eyesight taking everything in on him.

I purred.

I actually purred.

I pounced on my next prey.

Way more fun than a lynx.

He winced at the pain of my strength when I had him pinned, I was about to say I'm sorry and fling myself off of him, when he told me he loved a strong woman.

The rest of my first day as a vampire contuined much like this. He taught me how to hunt, we raced eachother, fought each other, among other things.

I couldn't stop, I didn't know if I could. We didn't have to sleep!

I couldn't stop touching him and he couldn't stop touching me, whether it was a casual hand hold while we ran, climbed trees of hunted, or the feel of his arms around me.

Looking up at the clear bright Montana sky, laying in the grass. I wasn't tired, it was a strange feeling.

"Isa?"

"Yes honey?"

"When will you become my wife? I haven't stopped thinking of it. "

"Wha?" I asked fasinated to much by the way his lips moved than the words they produced.

"Marry me. It involves a dress, a ring, a preacher. Some vows."

I turned on my side, fully looking at him.

"I dont want anything big. "

"Of course not.

"Did you think I'd say no?"

He turned away from me. "You never liked the notion of marriage, I knew that." He said softly.

"Jasper, I will marry you. I will be your wife. I'd gladly be called Mrs. Whitlock. I'll always love you, your my mate. You are mine. I wouldn't want another even it was my choice. I'll always be there for you sweetie. Your my man, I take you anyway you are. I always have and I always will. I won't be like her. I promise you that. "

He grinned brightly and it started all over again.

Over the next two weeks I was able to control my need to attack my family. Jasper began training me, he was rough with me and didn't give me special treatment. Just like I wanted. We had a set up a scheduel for me that consisted of fighting, trying not to break the house, Kate training me on my power, hunting and Jasper time. I wasn't able to hunt with anyone other than Jasper because I attacked when someone got to close. A week ago I had come across a human and ran away. I don't know how I did it, but I did.

Everyone was shocked, Jasper was proud and a little cocky. Saying he knew I could. Blood didn't affect me like it should. My shield had learned to cover more people than just Jasper. It was hard focusing on it, I tried to imagine a candle flame when I wanted it bigger. I saw it, too, my shield. No one else did though, it was light blue and kind of glowed. I could cover, Jasper, Charlotte and Peter. Kate said that it was just because I loved them and decided to use Garrett from now on.

I liked Gary alot, he was a brother for sure. He even let me call him Gary. He called me little one, I didn't mind. Alistar loved to watch. He sort of creeped me out. Two days ago, he got to close to me, and touched my face while he told me of laws, how to behave, all vampire stuff. Jasper attacked him, nearly took his arm off, he was full of apologies and told him he wouldn't touch me again. Thats when Peter explained how bad it was for new mates. It explained why I reacted the way I did in my first moments.

After breaking the bed much to my dismay, Peter joked only once, apparently we're scary when we both snarl and glare. I liked that. Being like this. I loved it. I loved being fierce and strong. I loved the thrill of fighting. The rush of running. The sense of touch when he kissed me... I was born to be a vampire. I was born to be with Jasper.


End file.
